Redefining Love
by poetlover
Summary: Remember when Spike said he'd redefined pain and suffering, maybe he's not the only one redefining words. *COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own anything related to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. They belong to Mutant Enemy.  
Spoilers: Anything up to Killer in Me, and posted spoilers for upcoming episodes.  
A/N: This is my first fic, I hope that you like it. It is a WIP.  
Redefining Love  
chapter 1  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She had given the potentials the day off. They had been working so hard. The Bringers and the ubervamps had not attacked during the day, so she felt safe letting them have a day off from training.   
  
Despite Giles's outburst, Buffy knew better than anyone that without the chance to blow off a little steam and take advantage of some downtime, they would not be able to face the First and win. If they didn't relax a little bit, they would all be wound so tight that they would snap. Just like Chloe and Annabelle.   
  
She needed the girls in top form, and that wouldn't happen if they didn't get some rest.   
  
So Xander, Willow, and Dawn had taken them to hit the highlights of Sunnydale. Anya and Andrew had gone along as well. The overwhelming boredom was driving them all crazy.   
  
Buffy had begged off, claiming a need for real downtime. No potentials, no teenage girls at all, around.   
  
The last time she had had no potentials around, Spike's chip had started attacking him. Now, she had no other concerns, and she was alone with the blond vampire.  
  
Buffy walked down the stairs into the basement. "Spike, are you awake?" she asked softly as she descended.   
  
"Yeah. Did you need something?" Spike answered.   
  
"Actually, yes", Buffy said as she walked toward Spike. "Can you come upstairs and talk with me?"   
  
Spike looked at her curiously, with a little bit of concern. "Sure, luv." He rose and followed her up the stairs.  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimers: I own nothing. Joss owns it all.  
Spoilers: Anything up to Killer in Me, and posted spoilers for upcoming episodes.  
  
Redefining Love  
  
Chap. 2  
  
"Spike, don't look so worried. I'm not going to ask you to move out. There are some things that I need to say, though. And I really needed some privacy to say them." Buffy felt butterflies in her stomach as she thought about what she wanted to say.   
  
She looked at Spike's expressive face and the obvious love shining in his eyes, and the butterflies settled a little. She smiled, "Spike, I want you to know how much I missed you. Last summer, when you were gone, and again a few weeks ago when the First took you. And you should know how scared I was that I would have to stake you before we found out about the trigger. I realized how much I want you around."  
  
"Last year, before that stupid singing demon, we were friends. You were the one person I could talk to, be myself with. Just like I told you the night you took me to that bar where you played kitten poker. You were to only person I could stand to be around. I've missed that. I missed my friend."  
  
"I want that back. I think we're getting there. I can talk to you. You can talk to me. We trust each other. I want you to be a part of my life."   
  
She looked tenderly at Spike. "I want us to be friends, but I want more than that. I don't want what we had before. That twisted, abusive, degrading THING we had was wrong. I don't want that again."   
  
She took a deep breath as she prepared to forge ahead with her speech. "A few weeks ago, you told me that you had redefined the words 'pain' and 'suffering' since you fell in love with me. Well, I've redefined the word 'love' since I got involved with you. See, for me, love has always meant drama, pain, betrayal, and abandonment.   
  
"Of course, look at my life. My parents fought for years, constant drama, before my dad actually got caught cheating on my mom. Then he left her.   
  
"Then I fell in love with Angel. You saw us. We were the poster children for angst and drama. Then he turned into Angelus, because of me. Then I had to send him to Hell. Talk about betrayal. We both betrayed each other. Then even after he came back, we still had the non-stop drama and then he left me.   
  
" Then Parker. Granted, the jerk should have had a revolving door on his room, but it still hurt, and I still felt betrayed by the fact that I was just another girl, nothing special. Then he walked away.   
"Riley was not exactly Mr. Drama, but he tried. I mean just because we weren't always miserable, because I wasn't crying my eyes out over our relationship, he decided that I didn't love him, so he decided to create some drama and cause me pain.  
  
"I mean, what did he think I would do? He was letting those tramps feed off of him and then he tried to blame me for his problems. He told me he just wanted to understand why I let Angel and Dracula bite me. He just didn't get it. So, he left me, too.   
  
"The people around me have the same problem. Xander and Willow cheated on Oz and Cordelia and Xander lost Cordelia. Then he left Anya at the altar.  
  
"Willow and Oz got over the Xander indiscretion, but then Oz cheated with Veruca. Then he left.   
  
"Willow fell in love with Tara, but betrayed her by using magic to manipulate her, so Tara left. Then just as they got back together Tara died.   
  
"Even my mom and Giles left me. I know that my mom didn't have a choice, but I still felt abandoned.  
  
"Are you seeing a pattern here?" Spike smiled sadly and nodded.  
  
"But that isn't what love is to you is it? For you, love is about doing, and being, whatever the woman you love needs. Its about being there for her, giving her everything she wants, even if what she wants is to dump her pain on you. Isn't it?"   
  
She waited for his response. He looked at her with tears in his eyes and nodded. At his nod, Buffy continued.   
  
"Neither one of us has the healthiest definition of love, but I think I've been able to change my definition since we got involved. See we've had our share of angst and drama, but that was mostly due to timing.   
  
"I mean if I hadn't died when I did, we might have made a gradual progression to where we are now. Maybe not. Last spring had a profound affect on where we are now. But still, we were becoming friends. I trusted you with my family, my friends, and my life. But my death changed all of that. After I came back, we kind of picked up where we left off, and things were going well. I have no doubt that we would have become lovers eventually, and in a much healthier way.   
  
"But, again with the timing. Xander summoned that demon and I found out that you didn't really want to be my friend, you wanted to be my lover, and I got spooked and retreated to the safety and familiarity of Kick the Spike. I'm sorry about that."   
  
She began to cry softly. "I'm sorry for all of the times I said I hated you, called you a monster, called you evil. Because I haven't hated you for a very long time and you haven't been evil, or a monster..."   
  
Spike interrupted her, "Luv, if you say that I haven't been a monster in a long time, I will walk out of here right now. Even if we discount the murders I committed while I was still the First's bitch, there is still that matter of the monstrous behavior in your bathroom last spring."   
  
Buffy looked at Spike and sighed deeply. "You're right. That was monstrous. Then again, I beat you almost as badly as Glory, or the First, and left you alone in that alley when you could barely move. The sun could have fried you or some nasty that hates you for helping me could have come along and decided to wreak a little vengeance. And I HAVE a soul, but I never even apologized.   
  
"You are a demon, you didn't have a soul, and I had driven you to distraction with all of my game playing. Not that I deserved to be attacked for that, but after everything I did to you, I think you showed tremendous restraint.   
  
"The humans in this house do not have as much restraint as you used last year. Xander tried to kill you, not because you had hurt anyone, but because you slept with the woman he had left at the altar.   
  
" Anya became a vengeance demon again.   
  
"Willow went evil, killed two people, tried to kill the rest of us, and tried to end the world. I used and abused you, then tried to kill my sister and friends.   
  
"Dawn stole from friends and strangers.   
  
"Giles left me here with a teenager, a mortgage, and no source of income, not to mention my calling as the Slayer, but no Watcher to guide me and expected me to sink or swim.   
  
"We did this even with our souls, because we were in pain.   
  
"You made a terrible choice, but you weren't the only one making horrible choices last year. I forgive you for what happened, in the bathroom and with Anya. Just like I forgave Willow, Dawn, Anya, Xander, and Giles for the poor choices they made last year. Just like they forgave me. I just hope that you can forgive me for..."   
  
Spike interrupted her again. "Nothing to forgive, pet. Nothing you did to me last year that I didn't deserve. Even if I was in love with you, I was still the same monster that had tried to kill you several times, the same monster that killed untold thousands over the last century or so. And I'm not so sure you should be so free with your forgiveness of me..."   
  
This time Buffy interrupted. "Huh-uh, Spike. You don't get to decide whether or not I forgive you. That is my choice"  
  
She placed her hand on his cheek. "I forgive you. I need to forgive you, for me, and for you. If we are ever going to have a relationship, we need to be able to forgive each other. You know, the First Slayer told me that before we fought Glory. 'Love, give, forgive.' I forgive you. I give you my trust and my friendship freely. And I love you, Spike. I've finally decided to redefine love.   
  
"I've realized it isn't about pain, betrayal and abandonment. With you, love is about trust, friendship, and support. You are there for me; I want to be there for you. We've hurt each other, we've betrayed each other, and we've walked out on each other, but we came back, we forgave each other, and we've formed a stronger bond. I believe in you, and I believe in us. I want us to be friends, partners, and lovers."   
  
She leaned forward and kissed him. "Does that sound like something you can do?" Spike responded by capturing her lips with his own. 


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing, Joss owns it all  
Spoilers: Most of season 7  
Feedback: please  
A/N: Lady Anne's Awakenings inspired Part of this chapter.  
  
Chap. 3  
  
Buffy stood up and pulled Spike to his feet. Taking his hand she led him toward the stairs.   
  
Spike stopped short. "Buffy, no luv, stop, this is not..."   
  
Buffy walked up to Spike and silenced him with a kiss. "Spike, I know that we are alone in the house right now, but I don't know how long that will last. I want some privacy, so let's talk in my room. It doesn't have to be about sex, but I do want to be alone with you, so come on." Spike followed her slowly.  
  
Once in her room, Buffy shut the door. She motioned to Spike to sit on the bed and she sat down next to him.   
  
"I meant it when I said that it doesn't have to be about sex, but I do want you. I want for us to able to make love, not just pound each other into the mattress. I also want to be with you here, in my bed, in my home. We've never had that. We were together in your home, but never mine. The closest we got was behind the tree in my front yard.   
  
"I know that you already live in my home, but I want to make sure that you understand that I want to let you all the way in. I want you in my life, in my home, in my bed."   
  
Spike looked at her in amazement. He didn't think it was possible for him to love her more, but he had just fallen even more in love. After all of the times that she had told him that she wanted him out of her life, out of her job, out of her town, now she told him she wanted him in her life, in every way. He couldn't believe it. She loved him. She wanted him, and not just to make her feel.  
  
Buffy leaned toward Spike and brushed her lips against his. She reached up and ran her fingers through his hair. She leaned back and looked at him, at his hair and then into his eyes.   
  
"I love your hair. I really love the way it curls when you don't slick it back. I mean, the slicked-back bad boy look is great when you're working, but I wish that you would let it be soft and curly when you're here with me."   
  
She then ran her finger down to the scar on his eyebrow. "I never really considered scars sexy until I saw this. I think it draws attention to your eyes. Not that they really need much help. I love your eyes. The color is amazing, but more than that, they are so expressive. I can always tell what you're feeling, or thinking, just by looking in your eyes."   
  
She lowered her eyes briefly; "I couldn't look in your eyes so often last year. I couldn't stand to see the love, the hope, or the pain." She raised her eyes to his again, "Now, I want to watch your eyes, see the love, the hope, and the happiness I am finally able to see in them."   
  
She continued her list of loves. She ran her tongue gently over his ear; "I love your ears. You are such a great listener. You hear what I say, but also what I don't say."   
  
She slid her hands down his arms; "I love your arms. I feel so safe when they're wrapped around me. They aren't too big or bulky. I don't feel overwhelmed or suffocated, just safe and loved."   
  
She gently tugged his shirt over his head. "I love your chest and your abs. In fact I love everything about your body. We fit together so well. And I'm not just talking about the sex. You fit me; you don't tower over me. I don't feel cocooned when you're lying with me, or dancing with me, or just holding me. I feel comfortable. My head fits just right into that crook where your neck meets your shoulder." As if to prove her point, she scooted closer to him and laid her head against his shoulder and neck.  
  
"I love more than just the hotness that is you. I love that you like this world so much. I love that you like beer and television and dog racing and Manchester United and that you're addicted to Passions.   
  
"I love that you loved my mother's hot chocolate, and that even before you got the chip you liked hanging out with her just talking. You never once tried to bite her, even when you could.   
  
"I love that you have been by my side, helping to avert the end of the world three times. I'm actually glad that you weren't here last spring, because between the chip and Willow's powers, you would have been too vulnerable.   
  
"I love that you loved me enough to change your ways, something that goes against everything I've ever been told about vampires. In fact, you and Anya are the only demons I know of who have voluntarily changed to fight on the side of good.   
  
"I love the fact that you stayed to protect my sister and my friends the whole time that I was gone. You may have promised to protect Dawn, but you never promised to protect everyone else, you just did. I love that you saw an opportunity to become a better man and you took it. I love your strength, your heart, your mind, and your soul. I love you."   
  
As Buffy finished her monologue, she lifted her head to kiss Spike, surprised to find tears on his cheeks.   
  
"I love you so much, Buffy. I don't deserve you, or your love, but I swear I'll never stop trying to be a better man." He pulled her to him and kissed her deeply.   
  
"Shall I tell you everything that I love about you, pet?" He asked with a smile.   
  
Buffy smiled at him, still panting slightly from the kiss. "Later. Right now, I want to feel you against me."   
  
She pulled her shirt over her head and pulled him with her as she lay down on the bed. "I want to make love to you, but if you still feel unsure about this, then we can just lay here and hold each other. I just need to feel you here in my arms."   
  
Buffy wrapped her arms around Spike and slid one leg over his hip, pulling him closer. Spike sighed softly and wrapped his arms around Buffy, capturing her lips with his. The kiss began gently, but became deeper and more passionate.   
  
He pulled back to look at her. "Are you sure about this, luv? You don't have to prove anything to me."   
  
Buffy smiled at him, "I know that Spike, but I'm sure. I love you, and I want to share that with you. As for whether or not this is too soon. We haven't been together in over a year. You have been back in town for six months and this is the first time we've kissed. I don't think we're rushing things. Besides, we don't know what is coming. We don't know how much more time either of us has. The First is nowhere near done with us. If there was ever a time for carpe diem, it's now. I'm not willing to put my life on hold until this is over, because I may not be alive after this is over."   
  
Spike looked at the woman he loved. He knew she was right. They might have years together, or they might have days. He knew that Slayers were short-lived. He knew that better than anyone. He had had a front row seat for the deaths of three young Slayers. He wanted to be with her, too. He wanted to have the opportunity to finally make love to her the way he had wanted to all last year.   
  
He bent down to remove his boots, then he leaned over and slipped her shoes off. Then he began to kiss her as he helped her remove the rest of her clothes and she returned the favor.   
  
Soon they were making love tenderly. It was nothing like their frenzied, violent encounters of the past year. This was pure love, nothing less. They lay together afterward staring at each other in awe, tears in their eyes from the intensity of their lovemaking. It was like nothing either of them had ever experienced.   
  
Spike slid to Buffy's side and pulled her to his chest. "Luv, that was beautiful..." "Amazing," Buffy supplied.   
  
Spike shifted his weight so that he was above Buffy. He looked into her eyes and began to recite his favorite poem:  
  
"Your face is written in my soul and when   
I want to write about you, you alone  
Become the writer, I but read the line;  
I watch you where you still watch me, within  
  
This state I am and always will be in.  
For though my soul imprints a half-design  
Of what I see in you, the good unknown  
Is taken on a trusting regimen.  
  
What was I born for if not to adore you?  
My ills have shaped you to the bent they give.  
I love you by a daily act of soul.  
  
All that I have I must confess I owe you.  
For you I came to life, for you I live,  
For you I'd die, and do die, after all."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike, tears coursing silently down her face. "That was beautiful. Did you write that, or memorize it?"   
  
Spike laughed softly. "Too bloody good to be mine, pet. The poet's name is Garcilaso de la Vega. I learned the poem when I was in school. It just describes how I feel about you so well."   
  
Buffy rolled them over so that she was lying on top of Spike and they made love again.   
  
  
Afterward, Buffy gently pushed Spike off of her. "I need to take a shower."   
  
Spike looked at her, slightly hurt. She saw the look in his eyes and sighed. "Spike, I need to get washed up, everyone will be home soon. I don't want to scar a bunch of impressionable young girls. I'm going to need Kennedy to take them into the basement to train while we talk to the gang, and I'll never get them out of the room if they know that we've been making love all afternoon."   
  
She paused; "You can join me if you want."   
  
Spike looked at her in surprise. Then he jumped off of the bed to join her.   
  
Later, after they had showered and dressed, they heard the cars in the driveway. The gang was home.   
  
As they left the room, Spike took Buffy's arm. "Luv, you don't have to do this right now. We can keep quiet for a bit. You know that they will probably 'wig' to use your term. Do we really want to face their wrath after the beautiful day we've?"   
  
Buffy looked at Spike incredulously, she couldn't believe that he wanted to keep their relationship a secret. Why? Then she looked into his eyes and saw the concern there. He was trying to protect her, again.   
  
"Spike, I love you. You are NOT my dirty little secret. You are the man I love, the man I want to share my life with. I have to tell my family. They deserve to know and we deserve to be out in the open, not hiding away like we're ashamed." With that she kissed Spike and turned to walk out the door.   
He shook his head and smiled. She just kept making him fall more and more in love with her.  
A/N: Sappy, I know, but I think they deserve a little sappiness. Don't worry, I'm done with the sweetness overload. The next chapter will have more typical Buffy and Spike, although with a little more tenderness and maybe some playfulness. 


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my computer. ME owns everything Buffy  
Spoilers: same as before  
A/N: Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. It has been pointed out to me that I tend to be wordy and use long paragraphs. You're right, but this is my first attempt at writing fanfic. The last thing that I wrote would have been a paper for a college course. Chap. 3 was written before I got the reviews for chap. 2, therefore the continuation of long, verbose paragraphs. Also, I realized after posting that I went seriously overboard with Buffy's "I love..." speech. I just thought that after all of the venom she spewed last season, he deserved alot of sugar. Anyway, I hope this chapter will come out a little better. Thanks.  
Chapter 4  
  
By the time everyone got inside, Spike and Buffy were sitting on the couch talking quietly. The potentials, used to seeing the two being rather intimate, were unfazed by the sight and headed off to the kitchen. The Scoobies, however, sensed a definite change in the air and sat down in the living room.  
  
Buffy rose and headed to the kitchen. She asked the girls if they enjoyed their afternoon off and received a chorus of yeses from the teenagers.   
  
"Great. Glad you got to unwind, but now its back to the trenches. We'll be heading out for patrol in a few hours." Buffy looked toward the oldest potential Slayer. "Kennedy, would you please take everyone down to the basement and warm up. We'll be down in a while."  
  
Kennedy nodded and the girls headed to the basement.  
  
Buffy took a deep breath and headed to back to the living room. Everyone looked at her curiously as she walked across the room. She decided to jump in with both feet and sat down next to Spike on the couch and tossed her feet over his lap. She was leaning partly against Spike and partly against the corner of the couch, her position comfortable and relaxed, but also intended to send a message.  
  
'Message received,' she thought as everyone's eyes widened considerably.  
  
"So, Spike and I had a long talk this afternoon and we got alot of issues resolved." She said with a Spike-like smirk on her face. "I finally realized that life is too short for me to not be able to have at least a little bit of happiness with the man I love"  
  
She looked around at her friends/family, "I love you all, and I respect you, that's why I'm telling you now. But, I want you all to know that no matter what you say; you're not going to convince me to risk what I've found just to make any of you happy."   
  
She looked around the room waiting for anyone to speak. They all seemed rather stunned, and then Any spoke up.  
  
"Well, I can certainly understand. I mean I am very well aware of Spike's capabilities at..."  
  
"Anya!" Every person in the room shouted at once. Anya looked hurt, but she stopped talking.  
  
"I can't really say I'm all that surprised either," said Willow. "I mean with the whole 'we need Spike' and getting the chip removed, and the 'why does everyone in this house think I'm still in love with Spike'. Not really a big shock there. Of course, you know the out there in the open part is new.  
  
"And, hey, at least with Spike we don't have to worry about a happiness clause and the chip is already gone and we're all still here, so that's of the good, right?"  
  
"You're right Willow. Spike is one guy we don't have to worry about going evil after sex with me. In fact, he's the only guy to actually go all soul-having good guy after sex with me."  
  
Dawn and Xander looked at each other and everyone could tell what they were thinking.   
  
"Guys, I know that you still have issues with what happened last spring, but Spike and I have talked about it, and we've forgiven each other..."  
  
"You've forgiven each other?" Dawn asked. "How is there anything for him to forgive? He tried to rape you, right?"  
  
"Yes." Spike said. "And personally, I haven't bloody well forgiven myself for that yet. But your sis has seen fit to forgive me, and pointed out that I don't get to choose whether she does or not. I'm not expecting anyone else here to forgive me, but I do know that what I did was truly terrible. Even before I got the soul, I knew that what I did was unforgivable. That's why I got my soul back. So that I would never try to do anything so bloody wrong again." He looked down at the floor, ashamed; his hand unconsciously rubbing small patterns on Buffy's back, seeking comfort in contact with her.  
  
"Okay, yes, Spike did try to rape me, but you guys don't really know what happened between us last year. I was so horrible to him. You guys remember what a bitch I was last year, and don't deny it, I remember. Well, what you guys saw was Angelic Buffy compared to how I treated Spike.   
  
"Do you remember the bruises on Spike's face at my birthday party last year?" She saw the look of shock, then horror on their faces as she realized that they did remember. "I did that to him, nearly a week earlier. Do you know why?" She asked rhetorically. "Because he was with me when I thought that I killed that girl Katrina and he knew that it wasn't really my fault. He saw how everything went wonky and I couldn't tell what was real. So, he tried to protect me. He tried to stop me from turning myself in and I beat him so badly, he could barely move.  
"So, what Spike did was wrong, but I was hardly an innocent victim. And that was far from the only time that I beat him or humiliated him."  
  
They all sat in stunned silence for a moment. Then Willow cleared her throat, "but that was just last year, right, because you were so unhappy. That's not what your relationship is like now, is it?"  
  
Buffy smiled. "No, that's not what our relationship is like now. Now, we're good." She couldn't help that naughty little grin that surfaced, "in so many ways."   
  
Spike tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh when Xander made a choking sound and nearly fell off the chair.  
  
"Harris, you've been real quiet so far. I really hope that you're not trying to figure out how fast you can get to that brilliant weapons chest you gave Buffy last year."  
  
"Surprisingly, no. I mean, so not loving the mental picture I just got, but..." he paused. He looked at his best friend, and former crush settled so comfortably against her demon lover- no, her lover, and sighed.  
  
"I'm not thrilled, but as has been pointed out to me, I fell in love with a woman who chose, twice, to become a demon. And even after the second time she made that choice, I still felt the same. You actually chose to harness your demon with a soul, I have to respect that. I've also seen how much you've changed. I guess everything that has happened has forced me to finally see that everything is not black and white. As long as you treat her with the love and the respect that she deserves, I guess I can accept your relationship.  
  
"And, like Buffy and Willow pointed out earlier, at least we know that you're not going to go all evil and try to kill us all." He looked at Buffy.  
  
"Since we've all mentioned him indirectly, I'm going to ask directly...What about Angel? I mean you were all 'love of my life' with him for so long. He was even the reason you and Riley didn't work out..."  
  
"Okay, stop right there." Buffy sighed in frustration.  
  
"We need to get closure on the whole Riley situation once and for all. I wanted to love Riley. He was my 'normal guy', the key to my 'normal life', but I didn't love him, and it wasn't because of Angel. It took me a while to figure it all out, because, well I tend to be Denial Girl sometimes..." At this Spike snorted in an undignified manner, but at Buffy's look, he sat up straight and put on his most innocent look.   
  
Buffy swatted his chest, then smiled and continued. "Riley wanted to love me, too. We had alot in common with the demon fighting and all. He even managed to convince himself that he was in love, but he didn't love me either, not really."  
  
"But he did..."Xander began.  
  
"Xan, if there is one thing that I've finally learned about love, it's that to truly love someone, you have to accept them, warts and all. Riley couldn't do that. He couldn't accept my past relationship with Angel and he couldn't accept my strength. And I'm not just talking about the fact that I could toss him across the room with no effort. I'm also talking about that fact that he needed me to need him. And I didn't.   
  
"When Mom got sick, I needed to stay strong. I had to hold things together for her and for Dawn...and for me. I couldn't just let myself fall apart, because if I did, then I would have given up. Everything was so hard that year and I had to stay strong and focused, because if I gave in, I don't think I would have been able to pull myself back out. I mean look what happened when Glory took Dawn.  
  
"The problem was, Riley wanted, needed for me to give in, to fall apart. He needed to be the one to pull me back out, to put me back together. But I couldn't do that. I don't think he would have been able to anyway.  
  
"So, he became angry and resentful. But, instead of taking out on just me, he put all of us in danger."  
  
Xander opened his mouth again to protest, but Buffy held up her hand to stop him.  
  
"Think about it Xander. How many times did he 'forget' about patrolling with you guys? What do you think he was doing?" Shock and disgust suddenly registered on Xander and Willow's faces.  
  
"Also, he was paying those vamps to bite him. What if one of his little whores had decided that she really liked him and thought he'd make a good vamp. Then we would have had a government trained super vamp who knew everything about us. And since he was our friend and my boyfriend, would any of us have thought twice about inviting him into our homes? And the hospital, hello, public building.  
  
"Riley either didn't think, or didn't care, about the possible consequences when he was getting off on the biting. Then he blamed me for his selfish, childish behavior and had the nerve to issue me an ultimatum, 'get over it by midnight or I'm history'.  
  
"That's not love. If he really loved me he would have been able to accept me as I am and he would never have so thoughtlessly risked my life, the lives of my friends and family, or his own life, just to get off on the adrenaline rush." She looked at Xander. "I know that we both wanted for me to find 'Joe Normal' and have a nice normal life, but that's not going to happen. I've accepted that and I'm happier now. I hope you can be happy for me."  
  
She took a deep breath, "Now, to answer your original question. Angel and I are over. Way over. A part of me still loves him, just as I'm sure a part of him still loves me, but we aren't 'in love' anymore and haven't been for a long time.  
  
"I never told you guys what happened when I went to meet him. So, I'll tell you now. We talked about what had happened prior to my death, why he wasn't anywhere around when the whole Glory mess went down. He told me about Darla being back and Drusilla siring her."  
  
She felt Spike stiffen against her, "How much do you know?"  
  
"Just what Dru told me when she showed up that night that I told you I loved you in my own bloody brilliant way." Spike replied. "Probably about as much as you do. Darla back, newly vamped, evil lawyers responsible for the whole mess, Angel going really dark gray. That about cover it?" Buffy nodded.  
  
They both relaxed slightly and Buffy continued. "Anyway, long story short, he talked about the 'gruesome twosome', some evil law firm in LA, and getting stuck in some bizarro world where Cordelia was a princess. I told him about Riley, my money problems, and my lack of future plans, pretty much everything except about being in Heaven.  
  
"But, while we were talking I noticed the way he talked about Cordelia and the look he got in his eyes when he talked about her. It was the same look he used to get when he looked at me. I don't think he suspected that I was starting to develop feelings for Spike, but he could tell that I had feelings for someone. That's when we both realized that it was really over. It was kind of sad, but we accepted it.  
  
"And you know I've realized that even without that stupid happiness clause, Angel and I probably wouldn't have worked out anyway."   
  
"What? I'm serious." She exclaimed when she saw the skeptical looks on everyone's faces. "Seriously, he was totally overprotective. He had a little bit of that same need that Riley had, to be needed by me. Plus, he was so large with the secretiveness and being all Cryptic Guy. And, he kept making decision about my life without consulting me. He decided that he knew what was best for me better than I did and then just acted accordingly, without any concern for my opinions.  
  
"That was frustrating when I was 16, now, it would be totally unacceptable. It was like he didn't trust me or think that I was bright enough to make my own decisions."  
  
She smiled warmly at all of her friends and leaned her head against Spike's chest. "Spike and I may have gotten off to a really rocky start, but we accept each other, we trust each other, and while we do try to protect each other, we also realize that we are both strong enough to take care of ourselves. We can both be who we are, and I think that together we are even better than we are alone. And I think that's what love should be like."  
  
She smiled happily when she saw everyone look at each other and then look at Spike and her and smile.  
  
"Great, now that that is settled. Xander, I have a favor to ask you as a carpenter, and please don't wig"  
  
Xander looked at her warily, "What?"  
  
"How hard would it be to partition off the basement so that we could have a training area and a bedroom-like area that would fit a full-size bed and maybe a dresser?"  
  
Xander groaned slightly at the image, but told her it wouldn't be too difficult and agreed to start on the project the next day.  
  
With that first hurdle out of the way, Spike and Buffy headed to the basement to break the news to their trainees and then head out on patrol  
  
TBC 


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing in Buffyverse, Joss owns all  
Spoilers: All of season 7, including rumors for upcoming eps.  
Feedback: appreciated  
A/N: I am assuming that at some point Buffy has explained that she has died, and come back, twice. Also, my translation of the Chinese Slayers words is probably a little off. I don't remember the exact translation and my only tape of Fool for Love is from FX and has a Spanish translation of the Chinese words. So I had to try to translate the Spanish to English.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Buffy and Spike walked into the basement holding hands. The girls were participating in various warm-up activities around the room. Buffy sat down on the bottom step. Spike sat on the step behind her with his hands on her shoulders. They were unwilling to be out of contact with each other for any length of time.  
  
The girls noticed their presence and stopped what they were doing.  
  
"So, you two finally worked out your issues, huh?" Asked Rona.  
  
"Looks like." Kennedy smirked.  
  
"But, I thought...you said...that night, after Chloe..." Molly stuttered, then gave up.  
  
"I-is he 'dangerous Spike'?" Asked Vi, somewhat nervously.  
  
Buffy smiled and settled back into Spike's embrace.  
  
"Yeah, pet. We worked out our issues, and as for 'dangerous Spike'," he leered at the frightened girl, "What do you think?"  
  
Buffy smacked his arm, "Spike, we don't want them scared of you. Just the baddies."  
  
She looked around the basement. "Spike and I have dealt with our issues, and we had alot of them. But I've told you what's coming. And I realize that I am going to have to fight to the end, and I may not make it. So, I decided not to put off having something good in my life, because I may not be here to enjoy if I wait."  
  
She looked at the potentials intently. "You know that some of you aren't going to make it. I'm not trying to scare you, but you need to be prepared.   
  
"I know this seems so unfair. Some of you aren't even sixteen. I know how you feel. The first time that I died I was only sixteen. My death was foretold, so I knew even before I walked into the Master's lair that I was not walking out. I was terrified. And I was angry. It was so unfair.   
  
"I didn't ask to be called. I didn't choose to be the Slayer. Why did I have to die? But I've realized something. Life, whether you're a Slayer, or a potential Slayer, or a normal teenage girl is not fair.  
  
"A few months ago I tried to help a girl your age. She had some psychic abilities and knew that she was going to die. I tried to help her, to stop it. But I couldn't. She wasn't killed by a vampire or demon, or even an evil human. She died because her heart didn't work right.   
  
"Not one of us has a guarantee in life. Many of you are from countries where the average life expectancy is fifty. You've probably several friends and family members die already. Then again some of you are from places where famine and disease are almost non-existent, but...Kennedy?"  
  
The dark haired potential looked at Buffy questioningly.   
  
"You grew up in a good home; no worries about food, medical care, basic survival needs, right?"   
  
Kennedy nodded, wondering where Buffy was going with this.  
  
"Did anyone you know, any kids from your school, or neighborhood, die?"  
  
"Yeah, actually. A couple that I knew. They were in a car wreck. Icy roads."  
  
"Okay, so none of us are immune. Death comes to all of us.   
  
"But it doesn't have to be random or meaningless. Your death can mean something. It can be for a greater good. Now that doesn't mean you should go looking for it, or surrender to it without a fight. But you don't have to be just another statistic. You can be different."  
  
She looked at Spike. "I think it's story time, babe."  
  
Spike raised his eyebrow in surprise, both at the endearment and the statement. She looked at him, then looked pointedly at his duster then back at the girls. He finally understood. She wanted him to talk about the Slayers.  
  
"Right. Gather round girls. Time for Uncle Spike to tell you about the Slayers I've fought. Now, I'm not going to go into the gruesome details, but I will tell you some things you need to know."  
  
He tightened his grip on Buffy. He might have gotten back in touch with his inner demon, but the soul still made this a difficult task.  
  
"I was turned over a hundred and twenty years ago by an insane, ruthless, and extremely vicious vampire named Drusilla. Her sire was... is, one of the most vicious monsters I've ever met, capable of acts of atrocity that even made me a bit uneasy. His sire was a nasty, sarcastic bitch that delighted in the appalling exploits of her favorite Childe. This was my vampire family. They made me, they taught me how to be a vampire.   
  
"Even then, I was a bit different. I enjoyed scrapping', brawlin'. I didn't care much for the   
'artistic kills' Angelus favored, or the defenseless innocents that Dru preferred. I liked to go after the ones who fought back, the ones who might, just possibly, win. That's how I ended up with my interest in Slayers.   
  
"See most vampires run away from the Slayer. If she comes after them, they fight back, and if they win, they pat themselves on the back and brag about killing a Slayer. Not me. I went out and found the Slayer. Not just to kill her. To fight her. To find out if I could kill her.  
  
"The first Slayer I fought was in China during the Boxer Rebellion. She was young. Strong fighter, but textbook. No improvising, no passion, just standard moves. Good, but not good enough." He paused, recalling her last words. 'I wonder', he thought.  
  
He looked at Chao An. Over the years he had pick up a smattering of languages, human and demon. He thought he could remember her exact words and the pronunciation.   
  
"Chao An?" The Chinese potential looked at him. He repeated the phrase as he remembered it. She looked at him in confusion at first, then realization dawned and she spoke to him. Her words were similar but slightly different. He nodded.   
  
"Yeah, that's it. What's it mean, pet?"  
  
She smiled sadly at him and spoke in halting English, "Tell...Mother...forgive...me"  
  
He nodded, his lips pressed together. "Thanks, luv. Wondered about that."  
  
Buffy squeezed his hand slightly, letting him know she understood how painful this storytelling was this time around.  
  
"Anyway," he continued, "didn't meet another Slayer for more than seventy years. The second one was in New York. She was a bit more like Buffy, here. She was cunning, resourceful. And like Buffy, turns out she had ties to the world, a son.   
  
"Now the third Slayer that I fought is sittin' in front of you. Strong, beautiful, resourceful, stubborn, and impossible for me to beat.  
  
"I fought one other Slayer. After the first time Buffy died, another Slayer was called. I fought her and Buffy both once, years ago. She was another that was all textbook. Nothin' different or passionate about her. She was killed less than a year after she was called."  
  
"You said killed, but you didn't say you killed her. If it wasn't you, who killed her?" Asked Rona.  
  
"Actually, it was my sire, Drusilla. I only fought the girl the one time, and that time ended with Buffy puttin' me in a wheelchair."  
  
"Really?" Molly asked  
  
"Yes, really! You think I'd make that up?"  
  
"I, I just meant that you know, you're so strong, and with your vampire healing and all, I thought that wouldn't be possible."  
  
"Well, it was possible. I spent almost six months stuck in that bleedin' chair courtesy of the little chit sittin' in front of me."  
  
Buffy smirked, "What can I say, I'm good."  
  
Spike growled and Buffy shrugged. "Sorry, I can't feel too bad about it. I mean come on, I am good, but me against you, Drusilla, and Angelus. Nobody's that good. If you hadn't been in that wheelchair you never would have had a reason to come to me for help, we never would have had that first truce and I wouldn't be sitting here cuddled up against you. Training potential Slayers together."  
  
Spike softened, when she put it that way, he couldn't be too angry.  
  
"So, exactly how long have you two been...allies?" Rona asked.  
  
"Off and on for five years." Buffy answered.  
  
"Five years?"  
  
"Off and on. Don't make any big assumptions there. I wanted Buffy to help me for my own selfish reasons. Didn't mean I stopped tryin' to kill her after I got what I wanted. Came back later, determined to kill her. I tried to kill her, Red, and Peaches. Then I helped FrankenAdam try to kill her and her mates. And when I did help, it was always for cash."  
  
He looked at the assembled teens. "Don't assume that I was a white hat just because I helped the Slayer a time or two. I always had my own bloody selfish reasons for doing what I did. Don't ever forget that. Don't think that just because I choose to help the Slayer that my reasons are totally unselfish. And never, ever assume that any other vampire you meet might feel the same way.  
  
"I'm the only vampire to ever seek out the return of his soul. I'm not braggin'; I just don't want any of you chits to ever second-guess your job. There are not a bunch of vampires out there thinkin' about gettin' their souls back and fightin' the good fight. They want to kill you, so they can brag. The next best thing to baggin' a Slayer is baggin' a Slayer-in-waiting.  
  
"If you want to stay alive, remember that. Also, remember what I told you about the Slayers I fought. The best ones had their own individual style, no bloody textbook, 'this is how my Watcher says I should do it' moves. They had grace, fire, passion, and most importantly, ties to this world.   
  
"The Slayer in New York may have lost to me, but she was no novice. She was pretty old for a Slayer. Just like Buffy. Twenty-two may not seem that old, but for a Slayer, it is."  
  
"That's part of the reason I wanted Spike to tell you about the Slayers he's fought. He told me that story two years ago. He made a good point, my family and my friends tie me to this world. I fight harder because I want to make the world safer for them. But they are also the reason that I died two years ago. I couldn't let my sister be sacrificed to save the world, but I also knew that only her blood, the blood we share, would close it. I knew that I was dying to save the world, but more importantly, I was dying so that my sister, my Watcher, my friends, and the man who loved me could live."  
  
She looked around. "I want all of you to think about whom, or what you love. Is it a parent, sibling, friend, a pet? Is it music or art? Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream or mocha lattes?"  
  
She smiled softly as the girls giggled.   
  
"Whoever, or whatever you love, ties you to this world. Is it worth fighting for? Would you fight just a little harder just to know that that little extra effort could give you more time to devote to it?"  
  
Her eyes saddened a little. "That's also your reason for dying. Would you be willing to sacrifice your life to ensure that what you love would be safe?"  
  
"I know it sounds hard, but when it all comes down to your life or the life of someone you love, someone who ties you to the world, the choice is actually very simple. Don't think of this fight as a big, abstract, 'noble' fight to save mankind, unless that's what motivates you. This fight is personal. It's about you protecting who or what is most precious to you.   
  
"And I promise that if you have to make the choice to die to protect your love, your destination is going to be worth it. I know. I've been there.  
  
"I died to save the people I love, and for the world, and my reward was to be in a place where I was safe and warm and loved. I was happy and at peace. Someday, I hope to go back there. And I'm ready, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to fight with everything in me to stay here.  
  
"I don't want to leave my friends or my sister again. I don't want to leave you without a trainer. The council is gone and only a handful of Watchers are left. And, I don't want to leave you to them. But mostly, I don't want to leave the man I love. I've finally found the happiness that I've been looking for and I don't want to leave it behind.   
  
"Like Spike said, part of the reason I've been so successful is that I do everything wrong. I have friends. I fight on my own terms. I argue with my Watcher when I think he's wrong. I turned my back on the council when I felt like they'd let me down too many times. I fell in love with not one, but two vampires. I have friends who are demons.   
  
" I do everything wrong. I have never done anything the way the Slayer's Manual says to do it. In fact, Giles never even gave me a copy of the manual. He said he realized that it would do no good with me. And he's right; I would've ignored everything in there.  
  
"Now, I'm not saying you should do everything the way I have. And I strongly advise against ever taking a vampire lover. I've been lucky but even so, the first one lost his soul and tried to kill me, my mother, and all of my friends. Then even after he got it back he nearly killed me when I had to get him to take some of my blood to cure him of a poison he'd been injected with. And Spike hurt me, physically and emotionally, even after he fell in love with me, before he got his soul back."  
  
"I agree with you completely." Said Kennedy. "I know that you are pretty old for a Slayer, and I've seen you fight. You're incredible. And look at this place. I mean your house has become Slayer Central and friends who help you fight, do research, protect you, and help out with the day to day stuff surround you.   
  
"You also say and do things that completely contradict what my Watcher taught me, but he's gone and you're here.   
  
"And even though I have to agree on the whole 'vampire lover' issue, it's obvious that Spike would sooner get a suntan than let anyone, or anything, get past him to hurt you, or the ones you love. And with his strength, and what I've finally seen is an amazing talent for fighting. I have to say, I think you are onto something. And I am behind you 100%. Especially with the whole finding something to tie you here theory."  
  
Everyone smiled at that, knowing whom she was referring to. The other girls looked around at each other, then at the Slayer and vampire sitting on the stairs.   
  
Vi raised her hand tentatively.   
"Yes, Vi?"  
  
"Okay, I get the whole ties that bind thing, but I'm still thinking about the whole 'I want the Spike who tried to kill me' speech. Spike said that he got the soul for you, that he did what you wanted, so if what you want is 'dangerous Spike', is that who we have? I mean he killed two Slayers. Can we trust him?"  
  
"That's a good question, Vi. You're right. I did tell him that I couldn't love him without a soul, so he got his soul back. I also told him that I wanted the Spike who tried to kill me back. So, he's trying to be that Spike, also. But, he still has his soul. He's still on our side, and he still loves me. The main difference is the one you've seen on patrol. He's much more aggressive, violent. He's a warrior, a killer. And, he's got alot of his sarcasm and verbal bite back. He is definitely Big Bad Spike again in alot of ways.  
  
"But he's not coming after you, in your sleep or on patrol, or any other time. He loves me and I love him. But more importantly, I trust him. I trust him with my friends, my family, my own life, and your lives. He can't be controlled by the First anymore. His soul keeps him from harming you, or even wanting to harm you. He is a good man, which hasn't changed. All that's changed is that he is once more a good fighter, too."  
  
The girls seemed fairly satisfied with this. Many of them were still a little nervous, and didn't really understand how a vampire and a Slayer could fall in love, but Spike had been helpful, so they would give him the benefit of the doubt.  
  
************************************  
  
After Buffy's night of true confessions things settled into a regular routine again.   
  
Xander showed up the next morning with partitions to create a separate room in the basement for Buffy and Spike. They moved Spike's cot upstairs so the girls could take turns sleeping on it. Buffy and Spike moved her bed downstairs to their new room, and they settled in together.  
  
But despite the acceptance of the relationship, the Scoobies still felt the absence of Giles and wondered if he and Buffy would ever be able to work together again.  
  
TBC 


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: None of this belongs to me Joss owns all things Buffy.  
Spoilers: This chapter includes rumored spoilers for upcoming eps.  
Feedback: Appreciated  
Chapter 6  
  
As Xander grabbed a drink out of the fridge he heard the muffled, but unmistakable, sounds of pleasure coming from the basement. He rolled his eyes, as he wished, not for the first time, that he had made the room soundproof. He knew that Buffy and Spike never made love unless they were sure that the SITs were asleep, but they didn't seem to worry about their other guests.   
  
He walked out on the back porch only to find Willow, Andrew, and Anya already there.  
  
"Anyone else sorry I didn't soundproof the new room?" He asked. All three raised their hands.   
  
"I'm glad that Buffy is happy and all, I just didn't realize her happiness was going to be interrupting my sleepy time", said Willow. "And, how did we not know this was going on last year? I mean they are very...not quiet. How did they keep this a secret?"  
  
Nobody answered her.  
  
After a few minutes of silence Xander cleared his throat, "So, how much longer till one of us confronts Buffy about the whole Giles avoidance?  
  
Everyone looked uncomfortable, but Willow spoke up, "I guess I'll talk to her. I mean I have sort of been in Giles' shoes before."  
  
Before anyone else could say anything they heard the door behind them open and Buffy and Spike stepped out.   
  
As Spike lit a cigarette Buffy looked at her friends, "What's everybody doing out here at this time of night?"  
  
"Couldn't sleep", Andrew said.  
  
"All of you?"  
  
"Well with all the moaning and growling and 'Oh God's', it was a little noisy in the house." Anya announced with typical bluntness.  
  
Buffy blushed bright red and mumbled an apology. Then she looked expectantly at Spike who was smirking proudly. She elbowed him and tilted her head toward the others.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Spike..."  
  
"Why should I apologize for showing the woman I love how I feel about her? 'Sides, not like they ever apologized to me."  
  
"Why would they need to apologize to you?"  
  
"I lived in Monkey Boy's basement for weeks. Anytime his folks were out; he and Demon Girl were at it like rabbits. Not to mention all the times I came into the Magic Box through the sewers and heard 'em in the basement or the training room. 'Course the only time it actually bothered me was the night they were goin' at it in the basement when they were supposed to be lookin' for the Dagon Sphere to fight Glory." He paused when he saw Willow and Buffy shoot disbelieving looks at Xander and Anya.   
  
"That's what took you so long that night?"  
  
"We, uh, well, see, the end of the world, and uh..." Xander gave up and glared at Spike who merely lifted an eyebrow and shrugged.  
  
"Then there was also the summer you were gone. More than once I came over here to check on the 'Bit and couldn't help but hear the lover Wiccas havin' a bit of fun."  
  
Now it was Willow's turn to blush. "Sorry, Spike"  
  
"Nothin' to be sorry 'bout, Red. You were just showin' your girl how you felt about her."  
  
Buffy smiled and leaned against Spike, tacitly approving his choice not to apologize for the volume of their lovemaking sessions. He did have a point after all. They were just expressing their love. Maybe a little noisily, but still. They were in love, and happy.  
  
***********************************  
  
"Buffy, I need to talk to you." Willow said over breakfast later that morning.   
  
"'Bout what?" Buffy asked around a mouthful of eggs as she tried to keep Spike away from her salsa-covered eggs. "Drink your blood, this is mine"  
  
"But, luv, you know how much I love spicy things." He pouted.  
  
Buff laughed and gave him a forkful of eggs. "There, now drink your blood and leave my food alone. I need all the energy I can get."  
  
Willow sighed and shook her head. Buffy was in such a good mood and she was about to ruin it. Sometimes being a best friend sucked.  
  
"Buffy, are you planning to tell Giles about you and Spike?"  
  
Buffy gagged on her eggs and Spike grabbed a glass of water for Buffy while he glared at Willow.  
  
Willow was unfazed. "They need to talk Spike. I mean what Giles did was wrong, but Buffy's going to need him in this fight."  
  
Spike rolled his eyes, "Know that, Red. But don't you think you could have picked a time when she didn't have a mouthful of food. You know how she reacts."  
  
"Hey! Sitting right here." Buffy yelled once she had stopped coughing. "And I don't need Giles. I already know what he'll say. 'Buffy, I'm afraid that I've found a prophecy or passage that says that in order to stop this apocalypse you must kill Spike, or Willow, or Xander, or Dawn.' It's always the same with him. I have to kill someone I love to stop the apocalypse. Except that I don't. Besides Angel, the only other person who has ever had to die to save the world is me. I don't want to die, but I know it's a possibility. I'm not going to sacrifice anyone else I love. So, there is nothing of value that Giles could possibly have left to tell me at this point in time."  
  
Spike put his arms around Buffy. "Luv, I know you're angry. Fact is, I am too. But, sweetheart, he might know something we don't. He might know a way that we can survive this."  
  
"He wanted me to let you die. How am I supposed to forgive that?"  
  
Spike laughed out loud. "Sweetheart, you forgave me for 120-plus years of murder and mayhem, the murder of two Slayers, multiple attempts on your life, attempted rape, and my live sex show with Anya. You forgave the poof for killin' the Watcher's girlfriend, torturin' your Watcher, tryin' to kill you, and tryin' to end the world. You forgave Red for tryin' to kill you and the 'Bit and tryin' to end the world. And you forgave your whole Scooby gang for yankin' you out of Heaven. And you don't think you can forgive the Watcher for doin' something you tried to do yourself dozens of times? C'mon, luv."  
  
" When you put it like that..." she trailed off and pouted. Spike growled softly and bit her lip lightly.   
  
Willow rolled her eyes. She had never seen the way that they acted during her "do thy will" spell, but she had a pretty good idea now of what they had been like.  
  
She looked at Willow. "I'll call him and ask him to meet you." Willow said. "Considering the topic of conversation, I think it might be best if you don't talk here."  
  
Buffy nodded and moved into Spike's comforting embrace.  
  
******************************  
  
Willow arranged for Buffy and Giles to meet in the park just after sunset. Buffy wanted to meet before patrol, and Spike wanted to be able to be nearby in case Buffy needed him.  
  
When Giles arrived at the park he found Buffy already sitting on a bench waiting for him.   
He wasn't surprised to see the anger on her face.  
  
He sat down next to her. "Buffy, I know that you are angry with me and that you have feelings for Spike, but I am relieved that you have realized that we need to..."  
  
"Spike and Willow convinced me to come here tonight, and Spike was the one who told me that I should forgive you. He reminded me how many times I have forgiven the other people in my life." She paused and sighed.  
  
"I know that I should forgive you. You were doing what you thought was best and I've forgiven Spike and Angel and Willow for actually killing people. But somehow, it's the fact that you thought killing Spike was in my best interest that makes it so hard for me to forgive you." Tears began welling up in her eyes. "You were more of a father to me than my own was for so long. I loved you like my father, and you claimed to feel the same way. But Giles, what kind of father tries to kill the man his daughter loves. How could you do that to me? Haven't I lost enough?  
  
"Six years ago I died. Five years ago I had to send the man I loved to Hell. Two years ago I lost my mother and you tried to convince me to kill my sister. Then I was torn out of Heaven after only 147 days. And two months later you left me. Last year I nearly had to kill my best friend. How much more do I have to lose? How many more sacrifices do you think I can make before I break?"  
  
"Buffy, I know that you have lost alot. I'm truly sorry for that, but after all these years, surely you realize that loss and sacrifice are part of being the Slayer. You are different than others. You are stronger than they are and as a result you are called upon to do what others cannot.  
  
"I believe Spike is a threat and..."   
  
"Stop it! If you want to talk, we'll talk, but if you keep attacking Spike, I will walk away."  
  
"I will not stop it! You are allowing your infatuation to cloud your judgment yet again. This is just like Angelus all over again. You couldn't accept that he was a serious threat until it was too late. How many people will have to die at Spike's hands before you realize that he is a danger?"  
  
Buffy stared at Giles in anger and disbelief. "This isn't even about Spike. It's about Angelus and Ms. Calendar. You blame me for her death, don't you? You've never forgiven me for not killing him before he could kill her.   
  
"So now what? Since I couldn't turn my feelings off like a faucet and kill the man I loved you lost the woman you loved and now I have to lose the man I love to even the score?"  
  
"Of course not. And Spike is not a man. He is a vampire, a demon."  
  
"You're wrong, Giles. He's both. My mother saw that a long time ago, even before the soul she saw the man inside the monster. Dawn could see it, so could Tara. I saw it, but I tried to deny it because I knew you would want me to.  
  
" You and Angel told me that demons couldn't love. That they couldn't feel guilt or compassion, but you were wrong. Spike has always been capable of love. Even before the soul, he was more than capable of compassion.   
  
"Did I ever tell you that Spike came to my house the night I found out that Mom had to go to the hospital? I had hurt him earlier in the evening. I said something cruel and broke his heart. He actually came to kill me, but when he saw me crying he came to me and did his best to comfort me. He sat beside me and patted me on the back and listened to me.   
  
"After I died, Spike was overwhelmed by guilt. Did you even notice that? Or did you just ignore his pain as long as he was helping? And then after what happened last spring, he felt so guilty that he went out and went through a series of trials, pain and suffering to get his soul back so that he wouldn't hurt me like that again.  
  
"He chose a long time ago to fight on our side. He chose to get his soul back. His trigger is deactivated and he is still here. Still fighting the good fight. He is not a threat anymore."  
  
"But Buffy, he could become one again. We don't know anything about this trial he says he went through. How do we really know if the soul is permanent? And now that you've removed the chip, he is free to kill whomever he wants. The prudent thing to do is to remove him as a threat."  
  
"Oh, I get it. We should kill him now because he might be trouble down the road.   
  
"So, do I have to kill Willow, too? She's a potential threat. She still has all that Wicca power. Oh and I should probably take out Anya, too. She might find a way to become a demon again and then she would be a threat.  
  
"And you know Dawn might still be able to open a portal to a demon dimension, and you did want me to kill her before. So, I should probably kill her.  
  
"Andrew helped Warren last year and he killed Jonathan this year. The First might not be done with him, so maybe I should put his name right under Willow's on my list.  
  
"Oh, and how about you, Ripper? You summoned a demon that killed...how many of your friends? It almost killed Ms. Calendar and me. So, even though Angelus killed Ms. Calendar, you almost beat him to the punch. In fact, if it hadn't been for Angel, Ms. Calendar would have been killed by that demon you brought forth.   
  
"You killed Ben. He was a human. I should probably put you near the top of the list, after Spike, but before Willow. After all, you are responsible for more deaths than she is.  
  
"And let's not forget Xander. He summoned that musical demon last year that killed those people. He also cast that spell that ended with every woman in Sunnydale trying to kill him and Cordelia and got me turned into a rat.  
  
"Where does it end, Giles? If I remove every potential threat by killing them, then I may as well just go home and set fire to my house, because everyone in there is a threat. Even the potentials. After all, they could go bad like Faith and start working for the First."  
  
Giles had begun getting angry during Buffy's speech. By the time she was done, however, he was able to see her point. Killing Spike just because he might become a threat in the future was-well, not wrong, but definitely not right either.  
  
"Fine. We won't kill Spike unless he actually appears to be a threat. I sincerely hope we will have enough time to act.  
  
"But, Buffy, I still think getting involved with him again would be a truly grievous error..."  
  
"Too late."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I love him Giles. I love him and he loves me and I am living on borrowed time. I can't afford to waste it. "  
  
Giles began cleaning his glasses. In the shadow of a nearby copse of trees Spike laughed softly and shook his head at the Watcher's typical reaction.  
  
That was when Giles exploded. He jumped off the bench and began pacing as he yelled.   
  
"You stupid, foolish child. When are you ever going to grow up? You are still making the same stupid, self-centered, irresponsible choices that you made in high school. Have you learned nothing in the last seven years?"  
  
Spike edged close to Buffy and Giles, prepared to spring into action if needed.  
  
Buffy stood up and faced Giles with a calm, cold, deadly look on her face and spoke in a voice just as cold, calm, and deadly.  
  
"As a matter of fact, I have! I've learned that you and almost everyone around me thinks that I'm not bright enough to find my way out of a paper bag with a map and a compass. That you don't trust my judgment because of Angel.  
  
"But I also notice that when I come up with a plan to fight the Big Bad, you all jump on the bandwagon. And we have always ended up on top.  
  
"So maybe I should be asking if you have learned nothing in the past seven years.   
  
"Yes, I've made some bad choices, but guess what, I'm a human being. We do that.   
  
"But this is not a stupid, adolescent, hormone-driven decision. Spike is a good man, a strong fighter, an important source of information, and a powerful ally. He survived the First, Giles. That has gotta be worth something."  
  
Giles had the grace to look slightly ashamed at her rather accurate description of his somewhat unfair treatment of her. She may not have been blessed with the academic abilities Willow had, but she was not a stupid girl. She had in fact formed the battle plans for the defeat of the Master, Glory, the Mayor, and Angelus. And she had usually done so primarily on her own. She had a talent for strategy that bordered on brilliant.  
  
He sighed heavily and sat back down. "I'm sorry. It's just that I wanted so much more for you than another vampire lover."  
  
"What did you want for me, Giles? A nice human man? Tried that remember?   
  
"Remember Owen? Nearly got him killed on our first date. Then Scott. He couldn't understand why I was always distracted. And let's not forget the illustrious Parker. What a catch he was.  
  
"Which brings us to nice, normal Riley. Riley who couldn't handle that fact that I was stronger than he was. Riley who decided that because I had a couple of vampire bites that he needed to even the score by putting himself, and by extension the rest of us, in mortal danger by paying vampires to bite him.  
  
"Or did you want me to settle down and have babies? Like Nikki? Robin was four when Spike killed his mother. Do you really want me to leave a motherless child behind? Look at Dawn. Is that any life for a child to have? Losing a mother early in life to some random demon or vampire?"  
  
"Maybe. I don't know. All I know is that I want you to be happy."  
  
"Giles, look at me. I AM happy. I'm happier than I've been since before Mom got sick. He's good to me Giles. But more than that, he's good for me. He keeps me in top fighting form. He makes me stay honest with myself. He helps me, but he doesn't stand in my way.   
  
"He helps in other ways, too. He knows alot of demon languages and helps us translate texts we find. He also knows Latin, French, some Greek, Russian, Spanish, and Portuguese. He kicks Willow's ass in the translating department. Dawn's starting to give him a run for his money, though. He's very low-key about it. I get all excited when he helps, but he still has some issues over being such a 'poncy prat' when he was human and he doesn't like to show that part of himself often.  
  
"Giles, I love him. I love you. He loves me. You love me. Can't you just try, for my sake, to give him a chance.?   
  
"He's not quite at you as angry as I am. And he's willing to give you a chance if you give him one."  
  
Giles pondered her words. He was still unsure.  
  
Giles grimaced as he saw Spike stride up to them. Giles suddenly felt very uncomfortable. He wondered how much the vampire had heard.  
  
To Giles' utter surprise, Spike whipped out a stake. He then flipped it over and offered the blunt end to Giles.  
  
"What is this for?"  
  
"The day that I hurt Buffy is the day that I want you to use that little bit of wood right there to stake me good and proper"  
  
Giles nodded, "I hope that I never have cause to use it."  
  
Spike fixed him with a steady gaze, but chose not to respond.  
  
"So, are we good now?" Buffy asked.  
  
"I'll try." Giles said "That's all I can promise."  
  
Buffy sighed. She had hoped for acceptance from her Watcher. She still hoped he'd come around. "All right. Well, Spike and I have to patrol tonight with the girls."  
  
Buffy wrapped one arm around Spike's waist and smiled up at him. "Race you home."  
  
Giles shook his head as he watched his Slayer racing off with her vampire. He had to admit, he hadn't seen her look so happy in years. She had even lost that look of complete exhaustion that he had seen on her face for so long. He was not entirely comfortable with the whole situation, but he was no longer quite so upset. He had always believed that 22 was far too young to be so tired. Maybe he'd been hasty in his decision to trust a stranger rather than his own Slayer and an ally who had proven himself more than once. An ally he now believed loved his Slayer enough to lay down his life for her.  
TBC 


	7. Author's Note

Author's Note  
  
I will be updating this story soon. I originally started it as a ficlet, but then I realized that Buffy needed to deal with the main reasons she had such a messed up definition of love. I also wanted to acknowledge some of the character developments this season. The most notable being Xander's amazing new level of maturity and Giles' increased lack of trust in Buffy. These two and her other friends have had a profound affect on Buffy and how she views love and relationships.  
  
According to spoilers for upcoming episodes, Faith will be showing up. I want to deal with this relationship, but I'm not sure how Faith will be acting and I like to try to stay as close to the show's characters as I can. So I will plan on writing the upcoming chapter after I see how she acts on Angel later this week.  
  
(Warning: rant) Although, even the show doesn't stay too true to itself. I mean how old is Spike? Even if we give the benefit of the doubt that the Council got his age wrong in School Hard, he told Willow he was 126 during The Initiative. Then he told Buffy that he was turned in 1880. Who taught the writers math? Because they should probably sue.   
  
And Buffy has been the victim of attempted rape 3 times. Xander, Spike, and snake-worshipping frat boy. These other two attacks have never been mentioned again. Granted, Spike got farther than the other two, but he was not the first to try. Why, after all of Xander's references to Spike's attack has no one brought up his attack? He let it slip during Phases that he hadn't really forgotten what happened. And Buffy never flinched away from him like she did with Spike. I understand that Spike's attack on Buffy was the catalyst for the soul seeking, but was she just not affected by the other attempted rapes?   
  
And RILEY! He put himself at risk of being turned. He abandoned the Scoobies on patrol. He lied to Buffy. Then he blamed her for all of it, and when he came back NOBODY mentioned his indiscretions and HE was the hero.   
  
And how stupid are we supposed to believe that Spike is anyway? We are shown time and again that Spike, not Xander (King of Denial), really sees what's going on around him. So are we really supposed to believe that he would keep demon eggs in his crypt when he knows that Buffy frequently shows up unannounced to scratch an itch, Xander has shown up unannounced more than once, and so has Dawn. But we are supposed to buy that Spike decided to keep a whole bunch of demon eggs in his bedroom and didn't expect anyone to notice?   
  
Okay, end of rant.  
  
I do want to deal as faithfully (no pun intended) as I can with the Buffy/Faith dynamic and the sister Slayer relationship that could have developed. Also, given Faith's interference in Buffy's romantic relationships I'd like to address that, especially since Faith pulled the whole "I could ride you at a gallop..." routine on Spike at The Bronze. I'm just not sure how to proceed, given the way they parted on Angel three years ago. So, if you're still reading, look for an update later this week.   
  
I also decided ,on the advice of a couple of reviewers, to edit chapters 1-3 to modify the "readability".   
  
Thanks for reading. 


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Joss owns all in Buffyverse.  
Spoilers: All of Season 7, including rumors and spoilers  
Feedback: always appreciated  
A/N: Sorry for the delay, RL has been intruding. I've just read spoilers for some upcoming Faith episodes. They seem pretty likely and I feel that I should include them in the story. If you do not want to be spoiled, then consider chapter 7 the end of the story.  
  
Chapter 8  
  
"Oh, baby, that feels sooo good." Buffy moaned as her lover massaged a large knot out of her back. "Right there. I swear you have magic hands."   
  
Spike laughed, "Maybe after this I'll remind you of the other things I can do with my hands."  
  
Buffy nodded vigorously as Spike continued to work wonders on her back.  
  
They both groaned aloud when Buffy's cell phone rang. Spike reached for it.   
  
"Willow", he said, handing the phone to Buffy. He then returned to work on her back.  
  
"Hey, Will, how'd the re-ensouling go?" Buffy asked. "Oh God. I am so glad. We so did not need Angelus running around with everything else we have to deal with."  
  
She listened to Willow talk for a minute.  
  
She stiffened, "Who?"  
  
"But, how did she get out, she was...?"  
  
Buffy sat up, "She did what?...Wesley..?...She did?"  
  
Buffy closed her eyes in frustration as she listened to Willow talk. "Okay, you're right, we do need all the help we can get. I'm just not sure she's actually help...If you're sure. You know her as well as I do"  
  
Buffy sighed deeply, "Alright, we'll see you when you get here."  
  
Buffy noticed that Spike had come to sit next to her as she talked and she leaned her head on his shoulder.  
  
"What's the matter, love? It sounded like Willow got the poof all poof-like again, so what's wrong? And who is 'she'?"  
  
" 'She' is Faith..."  
  
"Faith, criminally insane, psycho-slayer Faith?"  
  
"The one and only. And Faith is what's wrong. Apparently Wesley, our ex-Watcher, helped her escape from prison to help with Angelus and now Willow is bringing her back here to help us with our problem."  
  
Spike stood up and walked across the room.  
  
"Wait a minute, where are you going?"  
  
"Going to get more oil, love. I have a feeling this is going to be the longest massage on record. You're so tense Xander could use you the next time he needs to replace a support beam."  
  
Buffy giggled and lay back down. Spike returned with another bottle of body oil and continued his massage. Soon he had Buffy so relaxed she lay on their bed looking like a well-loved rag doll.  
  
Spike went upstairs and got a bowl of warm water and a wash cloth and returned to their room to clean the oil off of Buffy. Afterward he lay down next to her and stroked her hair as he looked into the eyes he loved so much.  
  
"Sweetheart, do you want to talk about it, about her?"  
  
Buffy shook her head. "Not right now. I feel so good; I just don't want to think about her right now. I'll deal with Faith later. Right now, I want to thank you for my massage."  
  
She rolled over on top of Spike and kissed him deeply. Soon they were both undressed and Buffy was expressing her gratitude in the most physical and loving way possible.  
  
*******************************  
  
The next night Willow and Faith made it to Sunnydale. They called Buffy after they took the new SIT to the hospital. After making sure Shannon got the help she needed, they returned home.  
  
Spike had taken the SITs out to patrol. Buffy managed to have as little conversation with Faith as possible, but Willow had filled her in on the goings on in LA. Buffy was numb with shock after learning about Connor, his mother's identity, and his relationship with Cordelia. She could have sworn Cordelia would have ended up with Angel. She was so confused.  
  
Just then Spike and the girls returned. The SITs glanced at Faith, and then headed to the kitchen, assuming she was a new SIT and that they would be introduced as soon as she was brought up to speed.  
  
Spike immediately noticed Buffy's discomfort and went to her. He glanced at the pretty dark haired girl sitting stiffly in the chair.  
  
"Let's see, dark hair, yea tall, criminally insane, you must be Faith. Do you have anything to do with Buffy's apparent catatonia?"  
  
"Spike, it's not Faith. I had to tell her some things about Angel, and she's upset."  
  
"What the great poof do now?"  
  
"He's got a kid" Faith said. "He got horizontal with some vampire bitch named Darla, she got knocked up, they had a kid, some prophecy thing, kid got sent to another dimension, now he's back, seventeen, and shackin' up with Cordelia."  
  
"WHAT?! How the bleedin' hell did Angel knock up Darla. They're vampires. Vampires equal no kids. And how could the cheerleader be shackin' up with him? I figured Angelus made a return engagement 'cause she and the poof made with the moment of true happiness."  
  
"No. Actually, Wesley and Cordelia arranged for a mage to take away Angel's soul so that Angelus could tell them what the Beast was up to. Then the vessel with his soul got stolen and Cordy let Angelus loose." Willow told him.  
  
"And, as for the whole vampires having kids thing, apparently it was all some sort of prophecy."  
  
"Well, that certainly explains Buffy's current state of shock." He pulled Buffy up and looked at the two young women in front of him. "I'm takin' her downstairs, tell the bitty Buffies whatever you think will keep them away from her 'til she's herself again."  
  
Willow went into the kitchen to make small talk and distract the potentials from Spike who was currently half-carrying Buffy into the basement.  
  
***************************  
  
"Buffy, luv, could you say something please? You're startin' to worry me. Should I get Red down here to do the mind-entering trick again?"  
  
Buffy shook her head slowly and looked at her lover. "No. I'll be okay. It's just...that bastard. He killed Darla because of me. Then he told me about the whole back from the dead, vamped again part. But he forgot about the whole let's risk my soul for a roll in the hay with my ex part. He knew about Riley and me and apparently SOMEONE told him about Parker, and me but does he tell me about his little indiscretion, NO! And he could have lost his soul again. He LIED to me. Maybe not outright, but he deliberately did not tell me the truth."  
  
"Well, in all fairness, pet, it's unlikely that he could have lost his soul shaggin' Darla. She was too much a bitch to make anybody happy."  
  
Buffy smiled slightly at that. "But you know what else? All of his talk about how I needed to find a 'normal' guy and have kids, because he couldn't have them, and which of the two of us has a kid?"  
  
Spike looked at Buffy, "Sweetheart, do you want kids? Because I..."  
  
Buffy put her arms around Spike, "No, I really don't. I didn't really think that I would even back then. But now with Mom gone and being Dawn's guardian/stand-in mom, I just don't think slaying and motherhood go together. And I even got Dawn as a teenager, no diapers, no three a.m. feedings, no worries about finding a sitter while I patrol. Can you see me trying to take out vamps with a newborn in a Snugli?"  
  
Spike laughed lightly, "I see your point, luv. So, no rugrats for you, huh?"  
  
Buffy smiled, "No. Maybe if I was a regular girl, I might want one or two, but I just can't deal with Slaying and babies."  
  
Spike took a deep breath and exhaled, relieved. "We should probably get you back upstairs, pet. Willow distracted to girls for a bit, but they're gonna want to know about Faith pretty soon."  
  
Buffy nodded and they headed upstairs.   
  
***************************************  
  
"Okay ladies, this is Faith. Faith is also a Slayer."  
  
"Wait, a Slayer, but I thought there was only one at a time." Kennedy said.  
  
"Normally, that's true, but remember that I have died twice. The first time I died another Slayer was called, Kendra. When Kendra was killed Faith was called."  
  
"What about the second time you died? Was another Slayer called then, too?" Rona asked.  
  
"No. Apparently when I died the first time, the line passed on to my successor. So the next Slayer won't be called until Faith dies."  
  
"So, does that mean Faith is THE Slayer, or you?" asked Molly.  
  
"We're BOTH Slayers. But, since Faith has been out of commission and I still have all of my Slayer powers, I've been THE Slayer. Now, there are two of us again."  
  
The girls looked slightly confused, but they all nodded.  
  
"Okay, I know this is pretty confusing. Why don't you all turn in and we'll talk some more in the morning."  
  
The girls nodded and headed off to bed.  
  
Buffy turned to Faith, "So, how much did Willow tell you?"  
  
"You guys are dealing with the First Evil, that thing you had to deal with a few years back that tried to get Angel to off himself. Blondie here is one of the white hats now. The First is going after potential Slayers, Watchers, and probably me. The Council is toast. This house is Slayer Central...And I'm really sorry about Joyce. Despite everything, I liked her."  
  
Buffy nodded, "Sounds like you're pretty much up to speed. We need all the help we can get, so welcome aboard. Park yourself anywhere you can find an empty spot. I'm going to bed now."  
  
She headed toward the basement door.   
  
"Whoa, B your bedroom's upstairs remember?"  
  
"Not anymore. Spike and I have our own room, in the basement."  
  
"You and Spike? Another vampire? You really got a thing doncha?" Faith looked at Spike. "Guess you found out about those Slayer muscles after all, huh?"  
  
Spike nodded, "So it was you that night. Wondered about that ever since I heard about you prancin' about in Buffy's body."  
  
Buffy looked at them suspiciously, "What are you talking about? What happened between you two when she had my body?"  
  
"Relax, Slayer. Second-string here just decided to tease me a bit while she was in your body. Then she pranced off to play with the Scoobies. Nothing happened."  
  
"SECOND-STRING?!"  
  
"That's right. Buffy's the first-stringer here. You've been outta the game for four years. She's been doing the Slayer gig while you've been riding the bench."  
  
"You...you.." Faith sputtered, then sighed. "You're right. I've been outta the game for alot longer than I was in it. But, I'm back now, and I'm gonna get it right this time."  
  
Buffy and Spike nodded and headed downstairs. Faith looked around and decided to bunk in the dining room. She noticed the bathroom was briefly free and quickly got ready for bed. As she was about to settle in she decided to grab a glass of water. Once in the kitchen she heard some very distinctive sounds coming from the basement.   
  
"Way to go, B. Never knew you had it in you." She whispered with a smirk. "And damn if he ain't another major hottie. You sure can pick 'em." Then she headed off to bed.  
  
********************************  
During patrol the next night Buffy couldn't help but notice the looks that Faith kept shooting at Spike. She knew that Faith thought Spike was hot. Then again, who wouldn't think Spike was hot? But she still didn't like it. She still hadn't forgiven Faith for everything that had happened with Angel, or Riley. And now it looked like Faith was trying to figure out how to put the moves on Spike.   
  
Without realizing it Buffy kept getting closer to Spike, and she touched him more than she usually did on patrol. Spike recognized what she was doing even if she didn't. He had noticed Faith's attention also, and he realized that Buffy was marking her territory, letting Faith know that Spike was hers, keep away. He was flattered. He couldn't remember Drusilla ever doing that. And Buffy had never done it before either. He liked to see a little jealousy from her. But he also intended to make it clear to both of the Slayers that Buffy had absolutely no reason to be jealous. He knew what Faith's game was and he wasn't playing. She may have pulled Peaches and Soldier Boy into her game, but he was Buffy's, heart and soul, and no one was going to come between them.  
  
That night, after patrol, Spike headed out to the back porch for a smoke.   
  
"Faith, need to talk to you, join me."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike and started toward him. He shook his head gave her a look that let her know that he was going to take care of things. She nodded and turned to get a drink out of the fridge.  
  
Faith followed Spike out to the porch.  
  
"So, Blondie, what can I do you for?" She smirked.  
  
"For starters, you can stop with the flirting. I'm not interested. I'm Buffy's man and unlike her other men, you can't trick me. I would know it was you even if you did manage to take over Buffy's body again, and I'm not fooled by your 'poor me' act. Buffy's suffered and lost more than you've ever imagined, so don't expect pity from me."  
  
"I'm not trying...I didn't...Okay, I was flirting, but can you blame me. I've been away for three years. And you are hot."  
  
"Thanks, but I'm still not interested. And stop tryin' to push Buffy's buttons. She's your best chance at makin' it through this and pissin' her off is not gonna make her want to help you."  
  
"I know, but she gets bent out of shape so easily. I mean, a little harmless flirting and..."  
  
"It stopped bein' harmless when you stole her life and slept with her man. It stopped being harmless when the love of her life chose you over her..."  
  
"He didn't choose me...it wasn't like that..."  
  
"You stole her life, slept with her man, tried to kill her and her mum, and Angel defended YOU. He told Buffy she was partly to blame for what you did. They fought over YOU. The only time those two ever really fought was when he was Angelus, but they fought over you. After that, nothing you can do that involves her man is harmless. You realize that, don't you?"  
  
Faith nodded. "She's lucky to have you. Not every guy would be so loyal."  
  
Spike shook his head. "I'm the lucky one. She's forgiven me for so many things. And I have loved her for so long. I've finally got her love in return and I'm not willing to anything to jeopardize it."  
  
"At least she forgave you..."  
  
"She might find it in her heart to forgive you, too. But you have to let her know that you want it. If you don't let her know that you feel bad about what you did, and if you don't stop giving her reasons to distrust you then she won't have a reason to forgive you."  
  
Spike snuffed out his cigarette and stood. "We've told the potentials how to fight the Slayer death wish. Now I'll tell you. You gotta have ties to the world, pet. You've got Angel, but you could have more. I know that you've always wanted what Buffy has, friends, family, a home, love. You could have that too, all you gotta do is let them know that you want it. Think about it."  
  
Buffy had been listening from inside. She hoped that Faith would take Spike's advice. She knew that Faith needed a family. She was a typical Slayer in that regard, no real ties to the world. She hoped that Faith would prove trustworthy. She might still have some trust issues with Faith, but she needed all the help she could get. And deep down, she still remembered how much she had hoped that she and Faith could have been as close as she and Willow were, closer, since they were both Slayers. She had hoped for that sister-like bond and still felt bad that they had had so many problems.  
  
For now, she just wanted to get her man to bed and let him know how much she loved him. And how much it meant to her that he was the one man she could trust not to be taken in by Faith.   
  
**************************************  
  
Buffy staggered into the house. She couldn't believe how badly things had gone wrong. First, there was the new potential, Shannon, and her cryptic message from that weirdo Caleb. Then the disastrous fight with Caleb. She got her ass kicked. Faith got her ass kicked. Molly was gone now. Rona was temporarily out of commission. And Xander...poor Xander lost an eye. She stumbled down the basement stairs and collapsed on her bed. She burst into tears. She was crying so hard that she never heard Spike come into the room. The first she knew of his presence was when he put his hand on her back.   
  
"That's it, luv. Let it out. Don't hold it inside, it'll eat you up. Let it out."  
  
He didn't try to tell her it would be okay. It wouldn't be okay. Even if they won, her best friend was still maimed for life. She still felt as if she'd failed the potentials that she couldn't save.  
  
She reached for him. "Spike, I need you."   
  
"I'm here, luv. Hold onto me. I'm not going anywhere." He held her tightly.  
  
He lowered her to the mattress and gently undressed her, then he tugged her nightgown over her head. He then undressed himself and lay down next to her. He switched off the bedside lamp. He settled them both under the covers and held her while she cried herself to sleep.  
  
**********************************  
  
Buffy stumbled blindly down the street. Tears blurred her vision. She couldn't believe what had happened. They had kicked her out of her own home. All she had tried to do was help everyone, protect them. She knew that things had gone wrong, but that wasn't all her fault. She knew there was something at that vineyard, but they wouldn't listen to her. They thought she was trying to get them hurt again. She stumbled and fell to the ground  
  
"Oh God. What am I going to do now? Where in the hell am I going to sleep?"  
  
"Slayer? What the hell...?"  
  
She looked up; Spike and Andrew stood in front of her.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"They...I..." she sobbed uncontrollably.   
  
Spike looked at her then at Andrew. "Why don't you head on back to the house? I'll take care of Buffy."  
  
Andrew looked at both of them then nodded hesitantly and continued walking toward the house.  
  
"Buffy, pet, what happened?"  
  
"They told me to leave, Spike. They said that they couldn't listen to me anymore, that I was letting my emotions get in the way, that Faith was the Slayer and they were going to do what she said now. Then they told me to leave. Dawn told me to go. They kicked me out of my home..." she couldn't continue.  
  
Spike was furious. His demon emerged as he listened to her tale. He wanted blood, but he knew that wouldn't help. He had to get Buffy somewhere safe before he dealt with the idiots. He picked her up and carried her to the one place he was pretty sure she'd be safe. A few minutes later he set her gently on the somewhat dusty couch in the mansion on Crawford Street.  
  
She had fallen asleep in his arms. He kissed her gently then headed back to Revello Drive.  
He threw the door open and glared at the occupants.   
  
Giles stood up. "I know that you're angry Spike, but Buffy was not being rational, she was putting lives at risk unnec..."  
  
Spike grabbed him by the throat "SHUT. UP"  
  
He dropped Giles to the floor. "What in the bleeding hell is wrong with you? Are you people daft? Do you have any idea what you've done? You just played right into the First's hands"  
  
"Now see here, Spike..."  
  
"Shut your gob."  
  
He turned to Faith. "Guess I shoulda kept my mouth shut. When I told you that could have what Buffy has, I didn't mean for you to steal her life again."  
  
"I..I didn't. I didn't ask for this. They decided that they wanted me to lead them, not Buffy. I tried to tell them that I didn't want this, but they wouldn't listen. Then when Buffy wouldn't agree with them they told her to leave and she did. I only stayed because somebody has to watch out for them and with Buffy gone..." she let her sentence trail off.  
  
"Great, so you gits decided to follow Second-String Slayer who helped stop one opening of the Hellmouth, and kicked out the Slayer who has stopped seven apocalypses. Bloody brilliant!"  
  
"Bu- Buffy is not being rational. She's letting her emotions get in the way..."  
  
Spike cut the Watcher off, "She's always let her emotions control her actions, you stupid git. She was right, that night in the park. She said you treat her like she's bloody stupid, but she gets the job done. She's the most successful Slayer..."  
  
"She's not even supposed to be the Slayer," said Anya. "Faith is. Buffy's just the Slayer on a technicality..."  
  
"That's true. And who is responsible for that 'technicality'?  
  
"You people are so selfish. You yank Buffy out of Heaven because YOU can't handle her being gone. Then after she tells you where she was you all basically tell her to get over it, and be glad she's back here, with you lot tellin' her how to live her life and fightin' monsters every night, instead of baskin' in the light, love, and peace of Heaven.  
  
"And now you throw it back in her face that your choice has resulted in her bein' the Slayer on a 'technicality' and then use that as an excuse to ignore her and turn your backs on her.  
  
" What's wrong? You scared? You think she's not? She's twenty-two years old, she's a single working mom, trainer to a bunch of whiny brats, landlady to a group of ingrates who don't even pull their own weight around here, and she carries the weight of the world on her small shoulders. But she's not doin' a good enough job for you all, eh? Did you think you could fight the First Evil and nobody'd get hurt? Doesn't work that way, people. In war there are casualties and in case you've missed Buffy's recent speeches, THIS IS WAR!"  
  
Giles got in Spike's face, "That is enough from you. It's your fault her judgment's so clouded in the first place."  
  
Spike shook his head. "You have no idea how you've been played. Buffy tried to tell you before. The First has tried to play all of us in different ways because it needs us apart. Why do you think Buff didn't stake me when the Firs triggered me? Why'd she try so hard to find me?"  
  
"As I said, her feelings for you have clouded her judgment and ..."  
  
"WRONG! She figured out that the First needs us separated. Why else would it keep playing us against each other? There must be a reason.   
  
"But I guess it doesn't matter to you lot now. You've pushed Buffy out in favor of a chit who's spent the past four years either in prison or in a coma."  
  
He moved toward the living room door.   
  
"Good luck. I'll save you wankers a seat in Hell. I've had my ticket for over a century, but now that you've teamed up with the First, I figure you'll be joinin' me there pretty soon. Least now Buffy gets to go back where she belongs."  
  
He walked out and they heard the basement door slam.  
  
"Well, he may have had alot to say, but he seems to be staying," Giles said. "Apparently he felt that he should defend Buffy's position, but he's not joining her. I'm not sure if that's good or bad."  
  
Everyone looked around a bit uncertainly, but decided to continue with Xander's homecoming party.  
  
About fifteen minutes later they were surprised to see Spike come back upstairs carrying his duffel bag. He walked upstairs without saying a word. They heard him moving around but no one wanted to ask him what her was doing. So they waited.  
  
A few minutes later her returned with his bag full. On his way back to the basement he grabbed a couple of framed photos of Joyce off the table and shelves.   
  
Dawn reached out to grab his arm. "Where do you think you're going with those?"  
  
Spike turned on her, his eyes snapping with anger. "You want to take your hand off me right now, Dawn" he snarled. She gasped and backed up. "I'm takin' these to Buffy. She deserves them.  
  
"Buffy died to save you. Giles told her she'd have to kill you to stop the ritual, but she couldn't." He sent a pointed look at Giles. "She let her emotions dictate her actions. She loved you, so she died to protect you.   
  
"Then you showed your gratitude by lyin' to her, stealin', throwin' tantrums, and actin' like bein' here with your precious self should be a greater gift than Heaven and treatin' her like dirt 'cause she was selfish enough to mourn what she lost. The only peace she's had in her short life.  
  
"Now you've turned her out of her own home. HERS! NOT YOURS. Joyce left the house to Buffy so she could take care of you. She pays for it. You had no right to throw her out because she disagreed with you. So I'm takin' her the things in this house that belong to her and mementoes of Joyce BELONG TO BUFFY!"  
  
"Now get the hell out of my way!"  
  
Dawn recoiled as if she's been slapped and everyone else stood dumbstruck. They'd never seen Spike angry at Dawn and they were having trouble processing the information.   
  
Spike stalked to the basement. He returned a minute later carrying his duffel bag and two suitcases. He walked out the front door without another word or even a backward glance.  
  
Willow ran after him. "Wait. Where are you going to go? What if we need to get in touch with Buffy?"  
  
"You won't." He said simply. "We've got a job to do. Can't do it if we're lookin' over our shoulders wonderin' when one of you geniuses decides that she's a threat that has to be eliminated. She's our best chance, Will, and it's my job to keep her safe so she can do her job. So, I'm not gonna tell you where she is. We'll be around. We won't leave you to get picked off by the First, no matter how much you hurt her, or how angry I am, we'll be watching over you. She loves you all. And I love her. You're her family, which means we'll both be watching over you until the end."  
  
****************************************  
  
He walked to the garage and took out the keys he'd found in Buffy's things in their room. He started the Jeep and backed it out. It belonged to Buffy, too, and he was not carrying all of their belongings across town.  
  
He couldn't believe how stupid her so-called friends were. How could they believe that Buffy would put any of them in danger unnecessarily? Pillocks.  
  
****************************************  
  
Buffy was still asleep when he got back to the mansion so he lay down behind her and spooned against her. He fell asleep making plans for the coming days. 


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Joss and ME own Buffy et al.  
Spoiler: This chapter is my version of the story based on spoilers for episodes 17-21.  
Feedback: always accepted  
  
Chapter 9  
  
Buffy awoke slowly in an unfamiliar place. She felt Spike spooned behind her. She snuggled into him and looked around.   
  
She immediately recognized the living room of the Crawford Street mansion. She was confused at first, and then the memories of the night before came crashing down. Her eyes filled with tears.  
  
Spike felt her stir and heard the telltale sound of her soft crying. He turned her to face him.   
  
"Shh. Let it out, love. I know it hurts, but I'm here. We'll get through this together."  
  
He held her while she sobbed.  
  
After a few minutes, she calmed somewhat. Spike sat up and settled her in his lap. He brushed a few strands of hair behind her ear.  
  
"I'm so sorry about what happened, sweetheart. I went back there and gave them all a piece of my mind. I also got out things. Now we need to decide what to do. We can't stay here. Do you have enough cash for a hotel room?"  
  
"Um, the only money I have is for the house payment and some groceries."  
  
"Well, since they threw you out, I say they make the house payment. You need a place to stay. I'll contact my barristers in England and arrange to have some assets liquidated and..." He broke off as he saw Buffy's shocked look. Then she burst out laughing.  
  
"B-b-barristers? You have barristers? And liquidate what assets? You never have money, Spike."  
  
Spike was thrilled to see her laugh, even if it was at his expense.  
  
"Yes, Slayer, I have barristers. You think those wankers in LA are the only evil lawyers in the world?   
  
"And I do have some valuable assets; I just wasn't willing to part with them for beer and blood money. Besides, after I got the chip the only way I could justify helpin' you was if you paid me, and the only way I could get my jollies was stealin' from the humans I couldn't hurt any other way."  
  
Buffy shook her head and snuggled into his chest.   
  
"So, what kind of assets are we talking about?"  
  
"Well, after Dru turned me and I turned my mum, we didn't have any other family around. We had some cousins down around Dover who were to inherit our property, but I didn't know them and couldn't stand the thought of strangers gettin' their hands on some of my favorite things.   
  
"So while our house stood empty, I went in and took some of my mum's jewelry, my favorite paintings, and some books that had been signed by the authors.   
  
"See my family owned a small publishing house, which my cousins later sold to one of the bigger houses. But, we knew a great many authors, not just the ones we published, and we had several books that the authors signed for us. Many of the paintings are by artists who are considered masters, and the books, being signed first editions are worth a great deal of money."  
  
Buffy's eyes widened. "How did you keep all of those things this long?"  
  
Spike shrugged. "I snuck the things out of the house while we were hunting in the area and hid them in a crypt that no one visited. After several years I found out about these barristers that dealt with demons. I handed everything over to them and they've kept them safe ever since.   
"I had to keep everything away from Darla, Dru, and Angelus. They saw my sentimentality as weak; they would have destroyed everything to teach me a lesson."  
  
"So, what do you think these things are going to be worth?"  
  
"I'm not sure, anywhere from a few hundred thousand to a couple of million. I took everything for sentimental value, but now, it's all worth a pretty penny."  
  
"Spike, I don't want you to give up your last ties to your family because of me."  
  
"I still have my memories, luv. And if I can help you, I am more than willing to give it up."  
  
"But..."  
  
"No, buts. I wanted to do this for you before, but you wouldn't have taken it. Now, I'm hoping you will. Now that you know that you can trust me, and that I love you. There are no strings attached. I love you. I don't have much to offer you, but I want to give you everything I can.  
  
"Do you remember the poem I quoted the night you told me you loved me?"  
  
Buffy blushed prettily and smiled. "Of course. It was beautiful."  
  
"Well, one of the lines is 'All that I have I must confess I owe you.' And that's how I feel, love. I love you; you have all of me. You own me now, sweetheart, body, heart, and soul.   
  
"So, please, let me do this for you."  
  
Buffy smiled and kissed him. "If it means that much to you, okay."  
  
Spike smiled at her teasing tone and put-upon expression. "It does."  
  
He kissed her and then lifted her off of his lap while he stood up.  
  
"Now, pet, let's go get some of your money, since it'll take a bit of time to get mine. Then we can get you something to eat and get a room. Then we can get cleaned up and talk about what we're going to do next."  
  
Buffy immediately sobered. She nodded and they gathered their belongings and headed out.  
  
**************************  
  
An hour later they were settled into a small suite with a kitchenette. They decided to find someplace where they could make some of their own meals so they wouldn't have to eat out all the time.   
  
Buffy stretched as she finished unpacking. She turned to look at Spike who was putting pictures of Joyce on the dresser.  
  
She walked over and put her arms around his waist. "Thank you so much for going back to get these for me. I was so upset, I couldn't think straight.   
  
"I just don't understand how Faith could have done that. I mean I can almost understand the potentials, but how could she convince my friends to side with her. They know her."  
  
"Actually, pet, I don't think she did this."  
  
Buffy looked at Spike, her whole face radiating pain and anger.   
  
"Now don't look at me like that. Last night when I was tearin' into her for doin' this, she didn't look smug or happy. She looked scared and even told me she didn't want to be the leader, but someone had to stay with them. I think for once that she's just tryin' to do the right thing.  
  
"I don't think it's Faith. I think it's the First messin' with everybody's heads. Playin' on their fears, makin' you their scapegoat.   
  
"You were the leader, so you get the blame. If Faith had been the one in charge all this time, they'd be blamin' her for all their problems."  
  
Buffy nodded. "I guess you're right. I'm doing the same thing, blaming Faith when it's not really her fault this time." Her face crumbled. "It just hurts you know. After everything we've been through together. For them to just turn their backs on me like that. I can understand the potentials, because we don't have a history, and I've contradicted so much of what they've been taught, but Dawn, Willow, Xander..." She trailed off.  
  
"I know, pet. Believe me, I told 'em as much last night. But, luv, maybe a break is good. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all.   
  
"Besides, you need a clear head to figure out this whole First mess. It's hard to have a clear head when you've got a bunch of teenage hormone bombs, judgmental mates, and a stuffy, resentful Watcher."  
  
"Resentful?"  
  
"What do you think? He left you behind last year, supposedly to make you grow up, right. Now you have, you're doing well, you're making your own decisions, and you're training a whole group of new Slayers. He's helping, but he's not the big cheese anymore. You are. You don't ask his opinion on everything anymore, you've become a true leader and a mature young woman. You've been making decisions on your own. He may have wanted that for you, but he resents being left behind. He doesn't want you to rely on him for everything, but he doesn't like being on the sidelines."  
  
Buffy raised her eyebrows. "You might be right. I just thought he didn't trust me. Maybe he's afraid that I don't need him anymore, so he's trying to convince me that I can't do this without him, that I do need him."  
  
She looked at Spike. "I think you're right, about everything, including the fact that I do need a little peace and quiet to figure out what I'm going to do."  
  
She put her arms around his neck. "I'm going to take a shower then get a bite to eat."   
  
She walked toward the bathroom, "You wanna join me?"  
  
Spike grinned and chased her into the bathroom.  
*******************************  
  
After their aquatic aerobics, Buffy dried off and fell asleep on the bed. Spike watched her, knowing that she was exhausted and relieved that she was finally able to rest. He continued to watch her slumber until he drifted off, also.  
  
Buffy slept deeply and soon began to dream.  
  
**She was walking alone in the desert, an oddly familiar looking desert. She looked around.  
  
"Come out, I know you're here, somewhere."   
  
As she turned around again, the First Slayer was standing next to her.   
  
"What do you have to tell me, now? I already got that it's not enough, but I didn't let those guys put that demon essence in me and now it's too late."  
  
"It's not enough. The others, the training, the weapons. They will not be enough. You must look inside; your greatest weapon is inside. It always has been. Remember."   
  
With those words, the First Slayer touched her hand to Buffy's temple.   
  
The visions started immediately.   
  
"You think you know, what you are, what's to come. You haven't even begun."  
  
"You're all I bloody think about, dream about...I'm drownin' in you, Summers, drownin' in you."  
  
"You are full of love. You love with all your soul. It's brighter than the fire, blinding, that's why you pull away from it... Love is pain and the Slayer forges strength from pain. Love, give, forgive. Risk the pain, it is your nature."  
  
"Because it's always got to be blood. Blood is life."  
  
"I love you, Spike...I believe in you and I believe in us."  
  
The First Slayer stepped back in front of Buffy.  
  
"You have the weapon within you. You must find it"  
  
She produced a book and handed it to Buffy. Buffy recognized it as the Codex in which Giles had found the prophecy about her death at the Master's hands. It was opened to page 730.**  
  
Buffy awoke with a start. She looked at the man sleeping next to her. She knew that she had had a Slayer dream. She wanted to think about it for a little while. Of course, if she didn't get back in the house soon, she would have to get Spike's input on how to sneak the Codex away from Giles.  
  
*********************************  
  
After Spike woke up they changed clothes and headed out to patrol. They had not been out very long when they heard screams and the sounds of struggle.  
  
*********************************  
  
Faith and the potentials had been ambushed by ubervamps. Faith and several others had been badly injured, while a few others had been killed. They were losing badly. Suddenly two black and white blurs dashed into the middle of the fray, swinging sharpened weapons at the ubervamps, turning them rapidly to dust.   
  
In minutes, all of the Turok-Han had fallen to ashes. Faith and the girls stared at Buffy and Spike in awe. Buffy looked sadly at the bodies of the fallen girls, then at Spike, and then she looked around at the survivors.  
  
"I'm sorry." She and Spike started to walk away.  
  
"Wait, Buffy," called Amanda, "I want to go with you. I don't want to face these things without you again."  
  
Vi, Kennedy, and several other girls chimed in with their agreement.  
  
Faith struggled to her feet. "B, come home. I can't do this myself. Spike was right, I'm the second-stringer here. We need you."  
  
Buffy sighed, then looked at Spike who nodded.  
  
"Let's go."  
  
***********************************  
  
That night after everyone else had gone to bed, Buffy and Spike sat up talking quietly about her dream.   
  
When they came home everyone welcomed them, but things were still strained between Buffy and Giles. He was clearly displeased that Spike had returned with her, and he was not quite as amazed at the stories of Buffy's and Spike's triumph over the ubervamps as the others were.  
  
Everyone else had apologized and promised to listen to Buffy in the future. Giles had merely cleaned his glasses.  
  
So now, Buffy was brainstorming with Spike about how to get the Codex without Giles' knowledge.  
  
They snuck quietly upstairs. Spike kept a lookout for Giles while Buffy searched the Codex.   
  
She finally found it just as Spike whispered that Giles was stirring, about to wake up.  
  
The years of practicing stealth to track their prey served both vampire and Slayer well as they slipped silently away from Giles' room and back downstairs.   
  
Buffy turned rapidly to page 730 and read the passage:  
  
"Two warriors, one of darkness who chooses light, one of light who embraces the darkness, shall come together, heart and soul. Their bond shall be sealed in blood and their light shall push back the darkness."  
  
She looked at Spike.   
  
"Well, I assume that we are the warriors. A bond sealed in blood, hmmm. Oh, wait, the First Slayer said that my greatest weapon was within, then she made me remember us telling each other that we loved each other and you telling us that it always has to be blood, that blood is life.   
  
"I think I know what it means, and if I'm right, then it's a damn good thing Wood didn't kill you."  
  
*****************************  
  
Life returned to semi-normal at 1630 Revello, Buffy, Spike and the potentials patrolled and fought demons. Until a few nights later when they ran into a group of Bringers and Buffy sensed someone else nearby.   
  
They began to fight them, but their numbers seemed to increase instead of decrease. Then suddenly another black clad figure joined the fight, turning the tide in favor of the good guys.  
  
When the last Bringer had been dispatched everyone turned to see who their benefactor was.   
  
"Angel?"  
  
"Hey, Buffy. I heard that you needed help."  
  
"You're not wrong. Thanks for coming"  
  
Angel noticed Spike's obvious displeasure, but disregarded it as he stepped forward to give Buffy a hug. Buffy had barely raised her arms to return the hug when she heard a growl and saw a flash of Spike's duster as he whirled and stormed away.  
  
TBC 


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the computer I use to make Joss' creations play the way I want the to.  
  
Spoilers: Everything in Season 7, up to episode 21 is fair game.  
  
Feedback: please  
  
A/N: I am using some spoilers and ignoring others, I'm trying to end everything the way I would like to see it end.  
Chapter 10  
  
"Spike, wait." Buffy called out.   
  
The potentials looked at each other and then raced after Buffy and Spike. There was no way they were going to miss this.   
  
Angel looked confused and angry. He raced after them as well.  
  
Spike refused to stop and sped up until he reached the house. He slammed in the front door determined to make it to the basement before Buffy and Peaches could make it back.  
  
Unfortunately, Giles was there. When he noticed that Buffy was absent, he decided it would be a good time to try to reason with Spike to get him to leave.  
  
"Spike, I've been wanting to talk with you. Now, despite what Buffy, and you, believe, I know that you are still a liability to her. You are distracting her and even with the trigger deactivated, you are still a danger. I insist that you leave, now, before..."  
  
"Sod off, Watcher!"  
  
Spike tried to dodge Giles, but just then Buffy stormed in the front door followed closely by Angel who was followed by all of the Potentials. The multiple slammings of the front door brought the Scoobies and Andrew from the kitchen.  
  
"Angel?"  
  
"What's he doing here?"  
  
"No wonder Spike looks so pissed."  
  
"Angel, why are you here?"  
  
"Buffy, what's going on?"  
  
All questions went unanswered as Spike tried to escape to the basement again, but Buffy grabbed his arm.  
  
"Stop it, Spike. Talk to me."  
  
"I can't bloody well do this again, Slayer."  
  
"Don't call me Slayer."  
  
"Damn it, Buffy, I've been here before and I will not do it again."  
  
"Buffy, what is he talking about? And why did you chase him all the way back here?"  
  
"Not now, Angel. Spike, I love you..."  
  
"YOU WHAT?"  
  
"Shut up, Angel.   
  
"Honey, do you remember what I told you that night?"  
  
"Yeah, you said I taught you to redefine love, that it didn't have to be about pain, betrayal, and abandonment. It could be about trust, friendship, and acceptance."  
  
"That's right. And yes, I will always have feelings for Angel, but I don't love him. Not like I love you. I told you once that I couldn't trust you enough to love you, but you earned my trust and my love. I can't trust Angel with my heart anymore. He's broken it too many times.   
  
"My heart is yours now, and you'd better not forget it."  
  
Spike moved to pull Buffy into his arms.  
  
"Buffy? What is going on here? What are you saying?" Angel looked hurt, angry, and confused.  
  
"I'm sorry, Angel. You left me so that I could find someone new, and I have. He's here and he stays. Even when other people think he should go, he stays because I love him and I need him."  
  
"I had to go to protect you, to let you have a normal life, with a normal guy. Not so you could get involved with another vampire."  
  
"I've tried normal. Five times. One wanted to date me for the adrenaline rush he got from danger. One dumped me because I was 'too distracted'. One used me as a doormat. One turned to vampire whores because he wanted to understand the power that you and Dracula had over me. Then he left me, too. The last one turned out to be the son of a Slayer that Spike killed and he tried to seek revenge while we are in the middle of the fight of our lives.   
  
"I've tried 'normal'. It doesn't suit me. Spike loves me. I love him. We are equals, partners. He has been here through some of my toughest times and he has never left me for my own good." She paused as if thinking.  
  
"In fact, the only time he did leave me, he went away to get his soul back."  
  
"Yeah, about that..."  
  
"Forget it, Peaches. My soul's permanent. No happiness clause."  
  
"How?"  
  
"Demon in Africa. Series of trials. Had to prove myself 'worthy'."  
  
"Where in Africa?"  
  
"Look, Peaches, we make it through this alive, or well, undead, and maybe we can talk about it. Meantime, stay away from my Slayer."  
  
"Your Slayer?"  
  
"Shut up, both of you. Now, Angel, if you're just here to criticize my taste in men, you can feel free to head back to LA"  
  
"No. I came here to help." He hesitated, "But, you know, just because he has a soul doesn't mean that your relationship is a good thing. Even without the happiness clause he could still lose his soul, then where would you be?"  
  
"The same place I was a year ago, and two years ago. I'd be with a soulless demon who endured hours of torture at the hands of a Hell God to protect my sister, who got thrown off a tower trying to save her, who stayed around after my death to protect my sister, because he promised me he would.   
  
"I would be with a vampire who swore he'd never hurt me and felt so terrible the one time he did that he went and got his soul back so he wouldn't do it again. I'd be with a vampire whose demon killed to get back his soul, rather than one whose demon has chosen to kill to prevent the return of his soul.  
  
"Spike isn't you, Angel, and he's not Angelus. He was capable of love, compassion, and devotion even without his soul."  
  
She looked defiantly at Angel. "Now, if that's all, maybe we can get to the actual purpose of your visit. Let's get you up to speed."  
  
**************************  
  
The next night after patrol, Buffy sent the potentials home while she, Spike and Angel lingered behind to talk.   
  
Buffy and Spike had talked the night before about the prophecy and decided to talk to Angel about it.   
  
At first, Spike had been nervous.   
  
**"Did you ever think that maybe he might be the 'warrior of darkness'?"  
  
"No. Angelus didn't 'choose the light'. It was forced on him. Angel may choose to help people and fight evil, but Angelus hates it. Whenever he loses his soul, Angelus fights to maintain his soulless status. You fought to regain your soul. If anyone has chosen the light, it's you."**  
  
So, now here they were, explaining the details of the prophecy to Angel.  
  
"Actually, it sounds like you've figured it out. Are you sure you don't want to consult Giles?"  
  
"NO!" Both Slayer and vampire answered vehemently.  
  
"Okay, okay. So, what's your plan?"  
  
****************************  
  
A few nights later, Turok-Hans attacked the house. Everyone inside was forced to flee. Buffy and Spike led them back toward the vineyard where Spike and Andrew had seen the seal. The Turok-Hans followed in close pursuit. They were quickly joined by a number of Bringers.   
  
When they reached the vineyard, they found themselves surrounded by an army of demons, vampires, Bringers, and ubervamps.  
  
They began fighting in earnest. Buffy and Spike began fighting their way to the seal. They were blocked time and again. Suddenly Spike vamped out and roared and nearly a hundred demons of all shapes and sizes poured out of the shadows of the vineyard.   
  
Spike and Angel spoke to them in a variety of demon languages, directing them where to fight.  
  
Finally Buffy and Spike made their way to the seal.  
  
The appearance of the new demons the tide began to slowly shift in favor of the Scoobies and potentials. It shifted enough that many of Buffy's friends and family were able to witness what happened next, but were too far away to affect the events unfolding before them.  
  
Just as they reached the seal everyone watched in horror as Caleb stepped forward. He smiled a cold, evil smile and began to sing.  
  
"Early one morning, just as the sun was rising  
I heard a young maid singing in the valley below..."  
  
Spike turned his head toward Buffy as his demon emerged once again. He pulled Buffy toward him and gripped her tightly. As he pulled her in one hand grasped her head and tilted it to the side. He bent forward to bite her, but unseen by everyone else, he quickly bit into his own forearm, drawing blood.  
  
As his own blood began to drip onto the seal he looked deeply into Buffy's eyes, then lowered his head to her neck. He bent her backward almost like a dancer dipping his partner in a sultry tango. As his fangs pierced her skin she cried out briefly. Then he drew back and her blood began to drip down onto the seal as he held her hair away from the wound.  
  
Their blood began to run together along the seal. As it did, the blood began to glow with a yellow light. Spike pulled Buffy up with him as he stood quickly. He leapt off the seal as Buffy stood in the middle, surrounded by light.   
  
She remembered the spell she had found by accident during a late night research session a few weeks earlier. She had gone back to find it the night before. She had gathered the necessary ingredients from Willow's herb stash and now the conditions were perfect.  
  
As the light surrounded her and began to flow outwards, she lit the small pile of herbs and spoke the words to the spell. Suddenly she felt an immense rush of power go through her and out into the light.   
  
The light penetrated every being within the confines of the vineyard. The white hats glowed gold, but were unharmed. The demons that had poured forth at Spike's beckoning shimmered and fell unconscious. The demons, vampires, Turok-Hans, and Bringers all grew bright orange, then caught fire and burned to ash. Caleb was burned as well; the First withdrew from his body as it collapsed into ash.   
  
It roared at Buffy, but the light penetrated it as well. The light surrounded it and seemed to hold it as if in a cage. Suddenly the light reversed itself and withdrew back into the seal. As it did it pulled the First with it, trapping it within the seal, inside the earth.  
  
As the light withdrew, everyone collapsed. Some time later, no one knew how long, the survivors of the battle awoke and headed for Buffy. Spike was cradling her in his lap. She was conscious, but weak. She knew by looking that there were many casualties Most of the potentials were gone. She didn't see Anya, and she knew Xander would be devastated. The rest of them appeared to have a variety of injuries, from minor to wounds requiring medical attention.   
  
But, it was over. They had defeated the First Evil. It wasn't dead. It could never be destroyed, but it had been defeated by love, the only weapon against hate.  
  
She looked at Spike and saw his love for her shining in his eyes, and she knew he could see the same thing in her eyes.  
  
Willow spoke first.   
  
"Buffy, what happened? What was that?"  
  
Buffy smiled weakly.  
  
"It was love, Will. I had a dream; the First Slayer told me that my weapon was inside me. Then she showed me what I needed to know."  
  
"You had a Slayer dream and didn't tell me?" Giles asked.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"How did you know that you'd interpreted it correctly? You haven't exactly been thinking clearly lately..."  
  
"See, that's where you're wrong, Giles. I'm the only who has been thinking clearly. Well, except for Spike. The others have been too scared to think clearly. You've allowed your feelings for Spike and your past experience with Angelus to color your perception.   
  
"You refused to see Spike as anything but a threat. And you refused to see me as a grown woman, and a mature, experienced Slayer. You still looked at me and saw the lovestruck seventeen year old who couldn't do her duty until it was too late for Jenny and almost too late for the world.   
  
"But, I've grown up, Giles. And I know how to do my duty.   
  
"I didn't tell you about the dream, and I didn't tell you about the prophecy my dream led me to, because you have demonstrated a complete lack of trust in my judgment and ability to carry out my duties. I fully expected you to refuse to believe me, or worse, try to stop me, and I knew that this was the only way to win."  
  
"Buffy, if you had told me about the dream...and what is this about a prophecy?"  
  
"Two warriors, one of darkness who chooses the light,  
One of light who embraces the darkness,  
Shall come together, heart and soul.  
Their bond shall be sealed in blood  
And their light shall push back the darkness."  
  
"Hmmm. Well, obviously it worked, but how could you have been so sure that the prophecy meant Spike and not Angel?"  
  
"Asked her the same question myself, Watcher. She told me that Angelus had no choice, his soul was forced upon him, and that while Angel may choose to do right, Angelus didn't. I did. I made the choice while I was still a soulless demon. A warrior of darkness who chose to cross over to the white hats."  
  
"Well, it was still foolhardy and it might not have..."  
  
"See that's what I'm talking about. It did work and you're still trying to second-guess me. This is why I didn't tell you. And after you conspired to have Spike killed, I couldn't trust you. Honestly, Giles, if you and Wood had succeeded in your little murder scheme, we never would have been able to win.   
  
"I knew that we needed Spike. I told you that and you didn't believe me. That's why I didn't tell you."  
  
"Well, in the future..."  
  
"There won't be any future, Giles."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean I'm done. See, while that light was pouring out of me it was taking a tremendous amount of power, not just from me, but from all of the forces around me. And it was pouring into the other Chosen Ones. So, while that power flow was going on, I did a little transference spell. Ask Faith and the others how they feel."  
  
Faith and the surviving potentials looked at each other.   
  
Faith answered for all of them.  
  
"Stronger. Alot stronger, more powerful. How?"  
  
"My spell. I transferred my Slayer powers to all of you. None of you have a full dose of Slayer strength, but you all have more than before."  
  
"Buffy, how could you...?"  
  
"Giles, I'm twenty-two. I've died twice. I've lost friends, family, and loved ones. I'm tired. I've finally found some peace and happiness and I want to enjoy that before I die again.  
  
"Spike and I talked about this and I finally convinced him that this is what I want. You have a Slayer and a group of girls who are ready to pick up the mantle. I'm done. I'm just a normal girl, now. Well, you know, except for the vampire lover, vampire ex-lover, witch best friend, ex-key sister, demon magnet best friend..."  
  
Everyone laughed lightly at that.  
  
"Now here's the part you're gonna hate." She took a deep breath. "Spike and I are leaving. The hellmouth is closed. You have a Faith and the other girls. I need some time away. The past two years have been really hard for me. And to be honest, as much as I love you guys, you're a big part of the reason that it's been so hard.   
  
"After you guys made me leave the house, Spike pointed out that it might be a good thing. It would give me some peace and quiet to clear my head. And it worked. The afternoon after I left was when I had the Slayer dream.   
  
"So, I'm going to go away with Spike and clear my head."  
  
Dawn looked at Buffy with tears in her eyes.   
  
"What about me?"  
  
Buffy put her arms around Dawn.  
  
"Sweetie, I have not been a very good parent to you. I wasn't ready. When Mom first died, I had to keep you with me to keep you safe. But last year, and this year, we have had a hard time because I'm not ready to be a mom. I could barely keep a roof over our heads and I almost lost you several times, to demons, Hell Gods, best friends gone bad, and social workers from Hell.  
  
"If we had been a normal family, you would have gone with Dad in the first place, not me. You deserve to have a normal life. I can't offer you that. At least, not right now. So, I called Dad. He just got transferred back to LA. You can go to school there. You can come back and visit Willow and Xander and any of your friends from school all the time.  
  
"Spike and I are going to be traveling. You can join us on vacations, and when we decide to settle down, if you still want to live with us, we can work it out. But we need this time. I need this time to clear my head, get things straight before I try to tackle motherhood again."  
  
Everyone began to cry, but none of them could begrudge Buffy the opportunity to enjoy life a little bit. She had more than earned it.  
  
**********************************  
  
Two weeks later, the house at 1630 Revello was up for sale.   
  
Willow had moved into an apartment near campus with Kennedy.  
  
Xander had gone to England with Giles to assist him in starting the Watcher's Council up again. Everyone had agreed that Xander, as the Scooby who "sees stuff" should be a Watcher's assistant.   
  
Dawn was settled in LA with her father. She now also had a new stepmother and a stepsister her own age with whom she actually became friends.  
  
Angel returned to LA and picked up where he had left off.  
  
Faith stayed in Sunnydale to await her new assignment from the newly reformed Council of Watchers.  
  
The demons that survived the battle against the First had been imbued with a strong desire to fight the good fight. Most continued to live in Sunnydale and they quickly drove out all evil beings, human and demon. Sunnydale soon became an extremely pleasant and popular place to live.   
  
Buffy and Spike took Buffy's SUV, they delivered Dawn to Los Angeles then headed out to parts unknown. Spike's lawyers had liquidated his assets and netted him a tidy sum somewhere in the low millions. He settled some of it on Dawn, and invested a little, but most was reserved for his love. He and Buffy traveled around the world. They occasionally came back to California, but mostly lived abroad.   
  
Buffy had finally found love and she was able to spend the rest of her last life living in peace with the man who taught her a new definition of love.  
  
THE END  
  
A/N: Sappy I know, but Joss has said Buffy won't die again, JM has said that the ending will be romantic for Buffy and Spike, and that the ending is both very cool and also the worst way to end the show. This is my version. 


End file.
